My life is hysterical... I've had some pretty quiet days this week and like I said I would give up ALL my 'down' time to be sunggling a baby. Got a call for respite for the weekend. I said yes... It turns out that Papi and Mami are coming till Monday. Their family member is in the hospital and they need respite. I'll let you know how that turns out :)

Have you ever laid in bed in the morning contemplating your day...wondering "Could THIS be THE DAY I get THE CALL???" I seem to be doing that a lot lately. Maybe because I haven't had a call in a few weeks...hmmm. I was outside with my family today sitting in the sun by the pool and thoroughly enjoying the warmth and happiness the sunshine brings thinking "I would give this freedom up in a second for the right placement". Sleeping in (or sleeping, in general, is SOOO over rated!) I am fully trusting God for clarity on which call to say 'yes' to and which to 'pass' on. They are NEVER easy decisions to make but I have seriously (finally) come to the place where I'm ok with the decisions that we've made in the past. Mostly because we've committed our path to the Lord and we're holding His hand on this incredibly emotional journey. Lord, continue to guide us and give us wisdom. Have YOUR way in our family and in our lives!!

Baby Tulip's foster mom called earlier this week and asked me if I'd be willing to do respite for them for the weekend. I said yes. She is here and as adorable as ever! I also happen to have Pickle for the day and they are getting along great. Baby Tulip's parents have surrendered their rights and she is officially up for adoption. Her foster parents have had her since she came into care at 4 months old. She is VERY attached to her foster daddy and I am SO glad for them. So, this fall she will have a forever home and a new name! If you have been able to keep up, she is Daisy's cousin. Daisy is still in care and has been for over 2 years! Her foster parents are still working on making her a forever part of THEIR family. Hopefully THAT will be soon!!!

The home finder was supposed to come first thing Monday morning to re-certify us for the next year for fostering. This would be our first face to face meeting and I was prepared to tell her exactly how I felt about her comment regarding me 'sending them back'. My hubby thinks I am very non confrontational around D$$ and this goes against my usual 'tell it like it is' personality. I had Pickle Fri, Sat and Sun. I planned on getting the house in order on Sunday night when the baby left. When Pickle is here I don't do laundry, clean or do dishes. He is the sweetest baby and deserves my undivided attention :) So, needless to say I was up pretty late cleaning the house (which needed to be done anyway!) I went to bed in the early hours of Monday morning and set the alarm for 6am to finish up. I wanted everything in perfect order to make a good first impression. Well, she called at 8:45 am and cancelled. She said she had a procedure done on Friday and thought she'd be ok but wasn't. Ahhhhh.
And the journey goes on...

I have to be honest. I am SO discouraged. I really, truly do KNOW that God has a plan. I'm just beginning (on continuing) to question whether or not that 'plan' includes us adding a child to our family through adoption. What can I do but pray and wait? "For I know the plans I have for you.." says the Lord. Jeremiah 29:11

I have tried to update this blog MANY times in the past few days and I am finally able. On Wednesday morning I got a call from the home finder at D$$. She explained that she was contacting me for a few reasons. First, we needed to be re-certified...Second, she asked if we were ready for a placement because we have 'returned' the past 2 placements and 'we can't have that'. Third, they had a newborn baby boy (born 7/1) possibly coming into care and if we were willing...he would be discharged to us. I had to start off by explaining that sending Arizona and Lil' Man on to another foster home was not just something we decided because we were bored...It is something that we prayed about and cried over. Those babies completely changed the dynamics of our home...forever. Mami and Papi were a totally different story all together. They came here at 10pm and were supposed to be considered an emergency placement. They are safe with family members. This lady (the home finder) doesn't know our family personally. she is newly working with D$$ and has yet to speak to us in person. Does she know that we have had long term placements? Baby C and Daisy were here over a year...each. Felix was SUPPOSED to be long term...we all know how that turned out. I really think that if they would have taken the time to get to know us better they would KNOW what we want and the 'type' of placement we can handle. Anyway, she went on to explain that the baby was born 6 days earlier and MAY OR MAY NOT be coming into care. (She gave me some specifics which you can find on the other blog) So, the question she really had was were we willing to go the distance with this baby SHOULD he come into care?? I explained we were away on vacation (a few hours from home) but we'd be willing to pack up and be home that night...need be. She told me she'd call back later in the day to let us know if he was coming into care or not. If so, he'd be discharged directly to us. Well I can't even BEGIN to tell you the thoughts that ran through my mind but I stopped and prayed and committed my desires for this situation to God. I know that HE knows what we can and can't handle. My husband and I were completely at peace as we went about our day waiting to hear if we'd be welcoming a new baby boy into our family. I'd be lying if I said I didn't daydream about holding him and once again praying that THIS would be the one we'd have forever. But I DID have a peace all day while I was waiting. 5 o'clock came and went and I thought that she forgot about calling us when 6:30pm rolled around and the phone rang. She explained that they WOULD NOT be bringing this baby into care. I was disappointed but at peace knowing that God is in control. As I sit here writing this I can help but think that I wish I was tired from being up with a newborn all night... :(

New post on the 'other' blog...