2nd two hour visit today. Daisy did better this afternoon. Still exhausted and over stimulated after the visit. Her disposition was MUCH better when we picked her up today. She had a well baby visit this week and both 'psycho chick' and 'the father' showed up. Caseworker came late. Daisy's on target and doing well. (I already knew that). Psycho chick and dad were pretty good. MUCH better than expected. Dad was actually great with Daisy. Watching him take care of her actually puts me at ease having to leave her every week...not that I have a choice. More soon...

This really has captured what I've been feeling lately. I know that I can give up and go on with life as usual. Most of you who know me...know that's NOT who I am. I know that this is a God given dream and it WILL be fulfilled in HIS time and HIS way. So, I'll wait...

Worth the Fight

The days have faded into months,
The months grown into years.
The hopes and dreams we once held tight,
Have now been blurred by tears.
The aching, longing and desire are an endless and searing pain.
The time we've spent, the efforts endured
And nothing to show we've gained.
A baby is all we hope for and need,
An empty hole to fill.
In life we need that one missing
Piece to make things whole and real.
As we drudge along and pursue our dream,
We never must lose sight.
For all we hope to have in life,
There must always be a fight.

by Dawn Welch

Today was Daisy's 1st 2 hour visit with her 'parents'. We spent the 1st 35 minutes doing an evaluation regarding Daisy's development. She is doing well. Then the 'daddy man' and I went out to breakfast and did a bit of shopping. Daisy was extremely tired when we picked her up and was asleep even before we left the parking lot. I know I have NO opinion about this but these 2 hour visits really take a toll on her tiny body. Anyway, I spoke to the caseworker and was 'reprimanded' (I use the term loosely) for the 'daddy man' calling himself 'daddy' in front of Daisy's 'parents'. Psycho Chick complained and we got 'yelled at'. What the heck is she SUPPOSED to call us? We are supposed to bring these children into our home, feed them, clothe them, love on them and 'raise' them as our own but they have to call us Mr. & Mrs.?????!?!?!?!?! Makes no sense. Anyway, we were told that it's not appropriate for her to call us 'mommy' & 'daddy. wHaTeVeR!!! Then upon further discussion with the caseworker, I was told that MANY children have come into care since Monday. It's funny...the phone rang on Wednesday night and I didn't pick it up because I was sleeping and I didn't actually hear who it was. About 10 minutes later when I checked the caller ID, it was DSS. Since it was after 5pm (after hours) I called back to the home finder's line thinking that if she was looking for a home for a placement...we might get lucky. Unfortunately, no one answered her line OR the supervisors line...I left it alone. But here it is 3 days later and they tell me 7 kids have come into care...I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

A perfect example of the twisted system. Court has deemed that 'there is NO bond between mother and daughter'. SO, instead of going for early TPR...they EXTEND the visit for another HOUR!!! My poor sweet Daisy. She already is so stressed after the established time now to add to that?!?!? I just don't understand. Add to add insult to injury, her 'parents' complained to their lawyer that we didn't take her trick or treating. They didn't even bring her a present on her birthday but I'M the bad parent because I didn't take the one year old trick or treating for candy (which she CAN'T eat ANYWAY!!!)...Anyway, she has been with us almost as long as she was with Psycho Chick and the 'father'. She is bonded and loving toward us. She is thriving. Almost walking and on (almost) all table food. We have officially introduced the sippy. She's still not too sure about it. I can't believe the holidays are right around the corner...we are enjoying the privilege of watching her grow and turn into the pretty little Daisy that she is.