Gotta say some really important things.  Can't say anything here but if you check over here you'll understand why. 

***If you haven't sent a request to view the private blog you can email me at savingthestarfish@gmail.com.  Just tell me who you are and where you're from***

Sometimes, when I look at him sleeping in his crib, I am STILL in AWE that he is here.  I hold him in my arms and breathe him in and  thank God for giving me the opportunity to love him and to have him in our home.  When I see his tiny socks or diapers laying around I remember how good God is.  In my heart I truly WANT to believe that God himself handed this baby to us.  But I can't wrap my head around that.  So for now...I am planning on handing my sweet baby boy over to his biological mother this summer.  I am trying to prepare myself {and my family} for Sprout leaving us.  I would rather be prepared then have the rug pulled out from under us.  Does this mean my faith is gone??  No.  I HAVE TO do this.  I need to mentally tell myself EVERYDAY that he could leave.  This baby boy has been slowly weaving himself into our family from the minute we found out about him a month before he was even born.  He will leave an enormous hole when he leaves.  But I know that God will redeem Sprout's time here.  I don't know when or how but I trust that He will.  His plan is bigger than ours is. 
Some crazy news I can't share on this blog can be found over here.

3 years ago this week I handed over my sweet Felix to his grandmother.  My heart remembers the pain.  But my arms are now full with this precious little boy that God has chosen for us to care for...for now. 

Redemption.

Sprout and Felix were born days apart and now that we've almost made it through March I can take a deep breath and enjoy him  more.  Sprout might leave us in July. He might not.  I am living as if he is my son because to honest, while he's here...he IS.  But I am aware that he has a biological mother who is working a case plan so reunification can happen.  I do, at times, realize that I am {in a way} counting down till I hear something about his case but I know that it is out of my control.  I bought the stroller I wanted IF he was staying and it truly was an "ACCIDENTAL" purchase.  Some of my friends who have met him are CONVINCED he's staying.  It's not that my faith is not  strong, it's just that I feel the need to guard my human heart and let God do what He wants with my willingness to be a foster parent FIRST.  No, it's not easy.  I am NO hero.  But if I've learned ANYTHING on this journey... it is to TRUST His will for my life is PERFECT. It has taken ALOT of seeking and crying and at times, loss.  But I am confident that when I look back...I will see how FAITHFUL He has been. 

Sprout is 3 months old!!!

Where is the time going??!?!  Seems like it was only yesterday that I was waiting to hear of we'd be bringing him home with us.  He is happy and healthy.  At 3 months he is...

***Smiling and 'talking'
***Wearing 0-3 and 3-6 month clothes
***now in size 2 diapers as of this week.
***bringing his hands to his mouth and sucking on his fingers
***still SOOO handsome
***sleeping through the night {some nights}
***drinking 6-8 ounce bottles
***happiest when held
***visiting with his bio mom for 3 hours a week {2 different days}

I 'accidently' bought the stroller I've been wanting for Sprout.  Call me crazy but I think it was a 'God thing'.  Can't wait till it gets here and I can put him in it.  I was waiting to find out more about his case and what the future holds but I am realizing that it's not my battle worry about.  He's here NOW and I'm gonna enjoy EVERY MINUTE.  I have also realized that I've been letting my circumstance ROB ME OF THE JOY that God brought me in the shape of a tiny, precious boy.  It's so easy to focus on the visits and case workers and the 'system' but I am trying to remind myself DAILY that he's here NOW.  :)

Late last night I got a call for a 3 month old baby GIRL.  {I know, I know.  I said that when Sprout leaves...we're DONE}  I just couldn't help myself.  Anyway, the on-call worker was telling me all the details and asked if I wanted to have this baby dropped off or did I want to pick her up!?! I told her I'd pick her up cuz I'd have to run up to good ol' Wally*World to get some girly things.  She said she'd call me back when CP*S let her know what was going on.  While I waited I finished up some laundry, got the others in bed and fed Sprout. She called back to say that bio mom was giving C*PS workers a hard time and they weren't sure what was going to happen.  About 30 minutes later I got another call that there wasn't ONE baby but TWO.  The baby girl had a 12 month old 1/2 sibling {a BOY} who needed to be placed with her.  Well, due to lack of space in the car...I had to say no :(  We only have room for ONE more child unless we are willing to take 2 cars everywhere we go...which I'm not.  I told the worker we'd be willing to be an emergency placement or if they could split them up we'd take either {preferably the BOY} but it didn't work out.  She said she'd call me today if she could split them.  I haven't heard from her.  They are running out of rooms in our county :/  we need more foster parents.  Some people only want teens or school aged kids.  I feel that we can adequately handle only babies right now since we've had only toddlers for the past 4 years!!!  Perpetual potty training and time-outs!!! It's amazing the PEACE I had while I was on the phone and while I was waiting for her to call back. I'm glad I was willing. I know that God knows what I can handle and He won't let me carry more than I can.  I have to admit it would have been fun to have 'twins'.                 Maybe next time! :) 

After Sprout's visit on Friday the agency worker informed me that in 2 weeks Sprout will be going to bio mom's house for a one hour supervised visit then up to D*S*S for a 2 hour Unsupervised visit later in the week.  She is still monitored through one-way glass but still...  Freakin' out here.  I HAVE to trust that God is in control.  My human eyes see this as a HUGE threat but my heart is resting in knowing that God has Sprout in the palm of His hand.  (But my head is freakin' out still...)  I can't understand how we have gotten to this point.  She is only 2.5 months into her case plan and the county has pretty much given her EVERYTHING she has needed.  {I.E- apartment, $$, bus tokens, furniture...}  And now Unsupervised visits.  The agency worker explained to me that it is important for HIM to get unsupervised visits (through one-way glass) because HE HATES to supervise her visits because she is so inappropriate!!!  She talks to the worker the whole time and it drives him CRAZY!  LoL.  I know that God has a plan for Sprout.  This is NOT bio mom's first child.  It is her 3rd.  She has custody of NONE.  {Yes, you read that right}  Not sure why they are choosing to give her these resources NOW after her THIRD child...   Please keep Sprout's situation in your prayers.  Um, and me too.  Because I AM kinda FREAKIN' OUT here!!! :)