~HaPPy BiRtHdAy SwEEt DaIsY~

We are so privileged to have you in our lives. You bring a ray of sunshine to every bit of our home. Your smile and laughter are contagious. I thank God for blessing us with you. Even though your life got off to a rough start I pray you have a sweet 2ND year of life. Happy Birthday!

Posted late for 10-17 and 10-24...

Both visits went well. Psycho Chick AND 'the father' showed up to both visits ready with cookies. It still seems that there's no bond between Daisy and her parents. I see the effects of her visit throughout the day. She comes home very lethargic and after her bath sleeps most of the afternoon. My heart breaks when I see her start to tense up as we drive up to the visit. We'll see how long this lasts. I'm sure the novelty of seeing 'their' baby might wear off as the weather gets cooler. Only time will tell...

Daisy took her first steps on 10-21. She was extremely indepentent when she was placed with us. Over time, she has learned that she is supposed to be the baby. But that side of her is showing itself again now that she can get around (almost) alone. She is on almost all table food, supplementing vegetables or fruit when convenient. Our next step will be phasing out the bottle and moving on to the cup. More soon...

BOTH Dad AND Psycho Chick made the visit this week. Poor Daisy. She seemed so confused. My heart aches for her future. All she knows is us. More soon...

No visit again this week. At least she had the sense to make the phone call the day before instead of me having to drive up there to only turn around to come home again. Many decisions to be made concerning my sweet little Daisy. I try to understand... There is obviously no bond between Daisy and her mom. I can't imagine carrying her for 9 months, taking care of her every need for the 1st 7 months of her life then turning her over to CPS. What fills your days but the cry of your baby that is no longer there? How do you go about and act as if she never was part of your everyday life?? How do you NOT show up for your 1 hour a week chance to be a mother to your little girl??? Anyway...more soon...

No visit this week for Daisy. Psycho chick called the caseworker Thursday to say she wouldn't be able to make the visit. I guess now the supervisor and caseworker sit with Psycho Chick and decide what the next course of action is. I am not sure if they will bring up surrendering rights but if the system made sense I'm sure that is what would happen next. IF!!!! Also, Daisy's law guardian called to ask some questions now that court is comin up soon. She asked if Daisy was developmentally sound (yes) and if she has visits with her 'mom' (sometimes) but she didn't ask to SEE or MEET with Daisy.
So sad. I did put a call in to the caseworker to ask when court was (sonce the law guardian brought it up) and I am waiting for
a call back. More soon...

According to the caseworker, Daisy had a hard time at her visit with Psycho Chick. She looked happy to see me but still had a meltdown when I tried to put her into the car seat. I feel bad that she doesn't understand what is going on. How easy would fostering be without the bio parents around to mess things up? If only... Anyway, it seems as if Daisy is reaching new milestones daily. She is trying to stand alone and says 4 words (hi, dada, mama, and baby). She is transitioning to table food really well and I think whole milk will be in her near future. Her voice is raspy and adorable. The girls are getting a kick out of her as she tries to make them laugh. She imitates them the best she can then laughs right out loud with them. Too cute.

It's been almost 6 months since Felix left us. I am thrilled that things worked out with his grandmother but I guess I'm just pouting a bit. I feel like it was such a tease. Having the privilege of bringing home this incredibly tiny baby boy from the hospital, loving on him for weeks on end without a visit from his parents only to have him gone in less than 24 hours from the 'call'. I wonder what it would have been like to have witnessed his first cereal or him sitting up for the first time. Or his first word or first step. I know that I really do put limitations on God when I say this but I can't see us with another 'call' like that. A call for a newborn baby boy from the hospital. A call for a baby who will finally be our baby boy. I struggle with wanting to just test God by ending our 'bout' with fostering in general and just waiting. Waiting for a situation that is actually brought to our front door. I thought the easiest way for MY dreams and plans to work out was through fostering. God's ways are not my ways. Obviously. I struggle with the desire to go through the bins of clothes I have for our boy or just giving them away knowing that if I see Felix's preemie clothes I'll just lose it. Maybe I'm just having a bad day. Who knows?!? I think that if things go the way they are supposed to go, Daisy will be leaving when her parental rights are terminated. That should be next fall. That's a long way off for a baby girl who needs a forever family. I can't imagine her calling us mommy and daddy then handing her off to strangers. God knows the desires of my heart and will fulfill them in HIS time. Only time will tell what will happen...