No visit this week for Daisy. Psycho chick called the caseworker Thursday to say she wouldn't be able to make the visit. I guess now the supervisor and caseworker sit with Psycho Chick and decide what the next course of action is. I am not sure if they will bring up surrendering rights but if the system made sense I'm sure that is what would happen next. IF!!!! Also, Daisy's law guardian called to ask some questions now that court is comin up soon. She asked if Daisy was developmentally sound (yes) and if she has visits with her 'mom' (sometimes) but she didn't ask to SEE or MEET with Daisy.
So sad. I did put a call in to the caseworker to ask when court was (sonce the law guardian brought it up) and I am waiting for
a call back. More soon...

According to the caseworker, Daisy had a hard time at her visit with Psycho Chick. She looked happy to see me but still had a meltdown when I tried to put her into the car seat. I feel bad that she doesn't understand what is going on. How easy would fostering be without the bio parents around to mess things up? If only... Anyway, it seems as if Daisy is reaching new milestones daily. She is trying to stand alone and says 4 words (hi, dada, mama, and baby). She is transitioning to table food really well and I think whole milk will be in her near future. Her voice is raspy and adorable. The girls are getting a kick out of her as she tries to make them laugh. She imitates them the best she can then laughs right out loud with them. Too cute.

It's been almost 6 months since Felix left us. I am thrilled that things worked out with his grandmother but I guess I'm just pouting a bit. I feel like it was such a tease. Having the privilege of bringing home this incredibly tiny baby boy from the hospital, loving on him for weeks on end without a visit from his parents only to have him gone in less than 24 hours from the 'call'. I wonder what it would have been like to have witnessed his first cereal or him sitting up for the first time. Or his first word or first step. I know that I really do put limitations on God when I say this but I can't see us with another 'call' like that. A call for a newborn baby boy from the hospital. A call for a baby who will finally be our baby boy. I struggle with wanting to just test God by ending our 'bout' with fostering in general and just waiting. Waiting for a situation that is actually brought to our front door. I thought the easiest way for MY dreams and plans to work out was through fostering. God's ways are not my ways. Obviously. I struggle with the desire to go through the bins of clothes I have for our boy or just giving them away knowing that if I see Felix's preemie clothes I'll just lose it. Maybe I'm just having a bad day. Who knows?!? I think that if things go the way they are supposed to go, Daisy will be leaving when her parental rights are terminated. That should be next fall. That's a long way off for a baby girl who needs a forever family. I can't imagine her calling us mommy and daddy then handing her off to strangers. God knows the desires of my heart and will fulfill them in HIS time. Only time will tell what will happen...

NO visit again this week. Mom made effort but was not 'prepared' for the visit. Sometimes you DO need a diaper bag (as an adult). Daisy has a bit of a cold. She woke up Wednesday all drippy and is now coughing a bit. Dr's office said there was nothing they could do for her so we'll wait it out. I'm going to try juice again tomorrow. Her rash has gone away so I figure if I use more water this time she should be ok. She's on a bit more solids. Pancakes, rice, peas, carrots, chicken and mac and cheese. More soon...

On the way out for Daisy's visit last week I got a call from the caseworker. Psycho Chick called and said she wouldn't be able to make it to Daisy's visit. Daisy's ok with that...so am I.

***GooD NeWs***
We are Officially on the 'open' list with the adoption worker. Let the waiting begin...

Poor Daisy. Today I saw first hand what Psycho Chick must have been like (pure speculation here...) those first few months that poor Daisy was living with her. When I tried to hand her over to Psycho Chick, Daisy held on to me for dear life. She screamed and put her little head into my shoulder as if to BEG me to not let her go. Psycho Chick made NO effort to console her daughter or try to ease her fear. Our caseworker is on a well deserved vacation so there was a 'fill in' today. When he finally came in to get Daisy and her 'mother' (I use the term loosely) I took off before Daisy started in again. When I went to pick her up (after the visit) the 'fill in' informed me that HE held Daisy most of the visit. If Daisy was in mom's arms...she was screaming. Mom was also trying to get Daisy to mimic her tapping on a table and was almost yelling at Daisy when she chose not to. 'Fill in' ALSO noticed that there is NO bond between Daisy and Psycho Chick. So sad. There was a look of relief on Daisy's face when she realized I was there to pick her up. On a P.S....Psycho Chick handed me 2 pictures before she left. One of Daisy's 'father' (with his shirt off...ewwww) and also a picture of some guy who is Daisy's 'friend'. The guy is like 30 something years old and looks like a (pardon my mouth...) DIRTBAG!!! What the heck is he doing being Daisy's 'friend'?!??!?! I also asked Psycho Chick if she had ANY pictures of Daisy the first 6 months of her life (for an album) and she said 'no'. Of course, what film she DID have left she took pictures of the @*^$@*! people she THOUGHT were Daisy's 'friends'. Anyway, she's home and CLEAN and safe. And once again, we're loving on our velcro baby until we have to visit 'hell' again...next week.

Still no word from the adoption worker...I am trying to be patient. I have been searching waiting child lists but there's no one available that fits our 'wish list'. I really DO NOT want to disrupt the birth order in our family. I know that when the right child comes along it will just...happen. Until then... I was kind of hoping we could just change our home study and have a child placed through DSS. That way we had a chance to meet the bio parents and get a history. When Felix was placed with us we found out more info from the Dr's and others than we did from DSS. I guess that can be both good and bad when you accept a child from a neighboring county. So much to look forward to. The girls have been asking us to keep Daisy. She is wonderful but I have to keep reminding myself that we have only so much room in the car or space in the house. I know there will always be plenty of love to go around but in this case I have to be realistic. (As you can tell this is not always easy for me) I justify some actions by convincing myself that a child's well being is at stake. Realistic??? Some of the stories that I have heard about foster care haunt me. I know I can't save them all. But I can try...right?!?!?!?