Little Mighty

Little Mighty was placed with us in October of 2014. He was a 15 pound nugget only after gaining 2 pounds in 5 days in the hospital.  He was 10 months old.  He didn't turn his head when I called his name.  He barely sat up or crawled.  He was essentially a 2 month old. He is still here after 8 months.  He is transitioning home and will be placed back home permanently in about 2 weeks.  His bio parents have finished their parenting classes, done their mental health counseling, taken substance abuse counseling and 'kept their home safe and stable'...(meaning no CPS calls regarding their 2 other children). 

They also...

Cancelled about 33 percent of the visits when they were supervised. 
(More than once) Have not changed his diaper during a 6 hour visit. (Yes, I marked the diapers)
Sent him home in dirty, filled diapers. 
Complained about having to feed him because I get their W*IC checks and they cant afford to feed him. 
Had him 'nap' for 2 hours during a 4 hour visit at 10 in the morning.
Not made it to ANY of his appointments that were scheduled for months (well baby, sick child visits, and specialist appointments).
Cancelled a specialist appointment I had for a hearing evaluation because he was on their time and at overnight and they didn't want to bring him. 
Sent him home to me because they didn't want him while he was sick. (with a runny nose)
Cancelled visits if they knew he was sick the day before.
Have made excuses on why they can't have more time with him when the worker tries to extend visits. 
 
I fear for his future.  While he doesn't come home with bruises I can tell that he is hungry and he usually eats a full meal even after bios state they've fed him. 
Court is in 2 weeks. I was told to expect him to be returned then. I've started packing his things.  There is no reason to believe that he won't go home. Last court date was the beginning of June. Prior to walking into court it seemed that the decision had already been made to return him home. The actual 'court session' seemed like a formality.  So much that when the judge asked if I had anything too add I shook my head and couldn't speak because I was dumbfounded. 

At 18 (almost 19) months old...Little Mighty is not walking. He doesn't have ONE word.  He makes good eye contact and knows his name. He is crawling and pulling to stand.  He eats like a man and sleeps like a baby.  He plays hard in between. He is receiving speech and occupational therapy. Foster care is not fair. I struggle with the fact that he's leaving only because the bios haven't changed. They've done NOTHING to make me think that he'll be out of his crib and playing and/or stimulated.  This is exactly what he came FROM.  No human interaction or stimulation and they weren't feeding him.  And I hope I'm wrong but it seems he's going back to exactly that. 

Horrible blogger...

I've been the worst blogger.  I have no excuse and I hope it doesn't come and bite me in the end.  I've used this blog to record the details of Little Mighty's case.  The visits have been unsupervised for a while now.  They recently were extended and now the agency worker told me the county is extending them again. The bios have sent him back to me hungry (saying he ate) they've sent him back with a dirty diaper and wet.  They've complained about almost everything I've put on him.  I'm tired.  I know he's going home and I've been waiting for the workers to tell me he's going for overnights.  The bios have tried to end a visit over an hour early because they said he was sick.  They wanted me to drop what I was doing and take him to the dr. they don't want him at their house when he's sick.  I've tried to explain that there's nothing I can do for him that they can't.  He is too young to know the difference...thank God.  He is extremely delayed. He turns 18 months old this month and still doesn't have one word and has yet to try to take his first step.  His core muscles are very loose.  He is just a floppy boy.  His therapist sees him 2x a week and is requesting that at the next evaluation meeting that we add speech.  I have to be honest.  I am afraid for him if/when he goes home.  The bios present well so I know its just a matter of time.  I am beyond frustrated with the system and I'm tired of the laws that protect the rights of the parent.  My older kids have asked if we can take the summer off of fostering if he leaves.  Court is next month (June). Unless we get called for a newborn... Lol. 

  

Bonding...

Little Mighty started Unsupervised visits with his bio mom and dad. I have seen many red flags with his behavior and his attitude in general but there is nothing that he is doing that would stop visits from being unsupervised.  The bios have told the case worker that they fed him then when he has come home he has eaten an entire sandwich, a jar of fruit and drank 3/4 sippy cup of milk.  When I tell him no or take something from him he throws THE BIGGEST tantrums.  I am very concerned about his ability to bond.  I can tell he KNOWS who we are but his ability to make good eye contact and his lack of wanting to be held scares me.  He will be 17 months old later this month.  He is a very smiley boy so trying to convince the agency worker that I am concerned makes me seem crazy but the county worker agrees that the degree of abuse and neglect he has suffered can definitely make him a candidate for some type of Reactive Attachment Disorder.  The county that he is placed through is a county WELL KNOWN for reuniting children and their parents even though that are severe bonding concerns with him and his bios.  The agency worker told me that when she picked him up today after his visit that he was in an exersaucer.  He was only there for an hour and no one was holding him...so sad.  I assume there are still concerns for Winter (baby sister) and Bailey but no one has mentioned that anything has happened with the girls in a while.  The agency worker also mentioned that last week when she 'forgot' to pick up Little Mighty after a 2 hour visit bio mom was calling her cell phone asking when she was coming to pick him up.  You'd think she'd love more time with the  son she says she desperately wants home. 

I give up...

I just don't understand. Little Mighty's bios have not been consistent in visits with him.  They are entitled to 3 (one hour) SUPERVISED days a week.  They have not seen him all 3 days since before Christmas.  There have been 3 or 4 weeks that they haven't seen him at all. And now the county has decided to give the bios one hour Unsupervised a week. 

I'll never get it. On another note, the agency home finder asked if I'd be willing to be on the foster parent panel for MAPP in a few weeks.  I said yes.  I ordered the book "Welcome to the Roller Coaster" to give to each couple in the class.  Hoping to open their eyes to the realities of foster care. If you haven't had the chance to read it, I HIGHLY suggest it.  You can get it on Amazon here. 

crazy ride...

Little Mighty's case is going nowhere fast.  I spoke to the county worker (who is the 'horse's mouth', so to speak) She is leaving to go work for CPS.  I wanted to know what the bios had to do towards reunification.  She said they had to take parenting classes, mental health counseling, they have to understand the diagnosis of FAILURE TO THRIVE.  They have to attend substance abuse counseling and dr's appointments for Little Mighty.  They have to KEEP visiting with him and stop canceling.  They have averaged one visit a week since December...canceling often. They also have to keep Bailey in counseling and follow through on doctor's orders for her.  The main worker, Genie, has been supervising the majority of the visits so she is experiencing all kinds of crazy.  She is seeing the ups and downs of bio mom and dad.  It seems that if one is stable the other is not and vice versa.  

Little Mighty is THRIVING!  At 15 months old he is over 21 pounds and pulling to stand. He was not even sitting up back in October when he was placed here.  He is crawling on all fours instead of doing the worm across the floor.  He is pre-talking and babbling.  His speech is probably at a 6-7 month age and his gross motor is around 10 1/2 months.  I am so proud of his progress. 

His bios think that I am the block to him going home.  They think that I control the reunification process.  Bio mom said yesterday that it's taking too long and the county should just 'take him' because he's never coming home anyway.  They want to know why they can't have visits in my home and phone calls.  (Usually visits are only held in the foster home if the bios are sane (they are not) and homeless (they are not).  Phone calls wouldn't work either because Little Mighty can't speak.  And to be brutally honest, it's not worth the 10 minutes of my time every night.  I am fed up with them complaining about his clothes and his runny nose (it's winter in NY....EVERYONE has a runny nose). He is eating, sleeping, playing, peeing, pooping, fever free and happy...why would I take him to the dr???  I wish Genie would filter a bit more of the bios opinions.  

The easiest part of foster care is taking care of the kids.   

Cancelled...

After ALL the complaining about ME..you'd think the bios would want to see Little Mighty as much as possible. But they cancelled AGAIN.  This is the 4th visit in a row ((2/6, 2/9, 2/11 and today, 2/13).  The county worker was going to supervise the visit. She planned to pick up Bailey after school and bring her and Little Mighty back to their house. Bio mom agreed to this yesterday. 

Let me back track. Even though Monday and Wednesday's visits were cancelled, the agency worker was trying to work with bios to find a time that is good for everyone.  She couldn't make the usual Friday visit work due to scheduling conflicts and they (the bios) were ok with not seeing their son this week.  The county worker called me very upset stating that the bios HAVE TO have visits offered at THEIR convenience because she didn't want to hear in court that they say they're denied promised visits with their son.  So the county worker was supposed to supervise today's visit.  She just called me very upset that they bios called to cancel this morning.  She thinks that the bios don't want Bailey to see Little Mighty and this is her way to control that.  I guess we'll see for Monday. 

Anyway, the county worker just asked if we are pre-adoptive.  Um, I said yes...

(Realistically, we have to make it until October without Bailey and Winter coming into care to even entertain the thought of adopting.  But it was nice of her to ask) :)

What are they hiding?

Snow day here in NY today.  Kids are home.  I got a call this morning from the agency supervisor.  She said that they cancelled the visit for Little Mighty today.  I asked if it would be rescheduled and she said that she will not rush to reschedule it because bio mom called saying that Bailey has strep but I cant help but think she's not contagious after 24 hours and if she was sick on Friday, she should be ok to see Little Mighty.  Then I'm thinking that maybe bios don't want Bailey to see Little Mighty OR that bios don't want the agency workers see BAILEY for some reason.  What are they hiding? Last Friday's visit was cancelled when Bailey would have been able to see her little brother and now today, another chance to visit...is cancelled.