Was up most of last night wondering if Sprout will be going home. I know that I am only a foster parent but this boy has grown in our hearts.  The thought of him leaving us breaks me but I am trying so hard to focus on the fact that I am called to love him while he's here.  December 2010 through April 2011 his bio mom came to visits religiously.  Then, late April through November she made about 40 % of the visits but no doctor's appointments.  In November at court the judge really laid it on her saying that if she didn't get her act together she'd be losing another child to the system.  She has made every visit since November 4th.  She enrolled in the classes she had to and is looking into getting her GED.  My fear is that they will send him home on her visiting alone and I know that she is unable to parent him due to her lack of cognitive ability.  I'm sure he endures his visit knowing that I will be there to pick him up after but the thought of him having to spend the night with her waiting for me....breaking my heart :/  Our next court date is in January.  To say the least...I am FREAKING OUT!  :*( 

Peanut is really settling in.  He is feeding better and as of Monday morning (after 6 days here) he gained 9 ounces.  He sleeps well but  I am waking him up for feeds during the day.  The nurses at the peds office were so happy to see him and they said that he already looks healthier.  His cry is stronger.  The agency worker said that bio dad went to court and  Peanut will be here for a while.  CP$ is doing an extensive criminal investigation.  We go back to the dr for x-rays next week.  Peanuts lawyer is coming next week to visit him at the house.  They are working on figuring out what happened, when and who did it.  I'm sure that over time, this will all come out. 

These last few days with my new little Peanut have left me in a state of shock.  I feel myself just going through the motions of meeting his needs and not really thinking about what happened to him or how someone could hurt a baby so tiny and helpless.  When I do drift off  I kinda break down a bit.  I find myself thinking about the ways that someone could have possibly hurt him enough to fracture his ribs...did they step on him?  Squeeze him too hard?  Sit on him?  Or reasons he has scars under his chin?  Dad mentioned to me to be careful of his zippers because he 'got his chin' and there was a nice gash under there to prove it.  When I got home and looked him over...there are SCARS on his chin.  Someone 'zipped' him more than once.  Sweet little Peanut has a hard time feeding and when you put a bottle near or in his mouth he freaks out.  It takes a while for him to latch onto the bottle.  There is also a blister under his tongue where the people from Chi7d Pr0TecTiV3 s3rvices believe that someone jabbed his bottle into his mouth.  The skeletal scan showed that he has healing AND new injuries.  Peanut is a 31 week preemie.  He spent the first month of his life in the hospital growing.  He has only been out of the hospital for about 6 weeks.  I'm sure they have been a very painful 6 weeks for him. 

I just wanted to document my last few days: 

Tuesday: Picked up peanut from the hospital before noon.
I realized he had a hard time latching on to the bottle.  Peanut does not root.  I found the blister under his tongue and called his pediatrician to make an appointment. 
Peanut went to bed around 11:30pm and slept through til 6 am. 

Wednesday: Woke up with Peanut about 6am and immediately called the pediatric ward at the hospital he was discharged from.  I asked if they had seen any feeding issues and they said yes.  They also filled me in on some other things they saw.  Peds office called back for a 10:30am appointment.  I met the agency worker (whom I LOVE!!!) bio dad and grandma (who dad lives with).  I asked the ped MANY questions about sickness vs. abuse and it's clear that baby has been abused. 
Walking through T@rget after the appointment  my phone rang.  It was the agency worker telling me that I was to go to the emergency room IMMEDIATELY with Peanut. The pediatric opthomologist wanted to check for retinal hemorrhage consistent with Shaken Baby Syndrome.  To make a very long story (and an even longer DAY) shorter...it turns out that the dr saw nothing wrong with Peanuts eyes.  Thank you Jesus!! This baby is a fighter.  His 9lb body has endured so much pain but he is here and he is ok.  Our goal is to help him heal his little brain.  Hoping he can learn to trust.  Went to bed at 11pm and woke up at 3 for 4 oz of formula.


Thursday:  Woke up at 6:30am with first dirty diaper.  Full day with Peanut.  Latching better to bottle.  A bit fussy before and during feeding but at least he's eating.  Slept well during the day.  Bed at 11:30pm.  Woke up at 4:30am for about 3.5 oz.  Woke up again at 8am for the day. 

On my way home from dropping Sprout off at a visit with his  bio...my phone rang.
The on call worker asking if I'd take a baby boy that was pretty bruised up.  She had NO details.  I said yes. 

Met her at the hospital about 45 minutes later.  Met baby boy. 4 months old.  VERY TINY!
He's a bit fragile (details here) and a bit fussy but he'll be safe here.  Not sure how long.  Still don't have much info.  It's only been a few hours so as I get to know him better I'm sure I'll have more to share.  Please pray for his tiny body.  Pray that his little mind can heal from whatever he's endured.  More soon...

I guess not all babies come from W@Lm@rt.  Got a new baby from the hospital today. 
More later...

I've been posting a bit on the other blog...

Guess who's 11 months old!?!?! 

My boy is growing SO fast!  I can't believe he's already 11 months old!  This precious time has gone SO fast!  It seems like it was only yesterday that I was on my way to the hospital to hold him for the very first time.  He is such a smart boy.  He is learning new things everyday...

*He has taken many steps but is still crawling from one  place to another.
*Sprout can drink from a straw!
*He knows 'how to do' songs like "If You're Happy and You Know it".
*If you ask him what does the puppy say?  He says 'arf' in a high pitched voice.
* Knows how to roar like a dinosaur.
*Size 3 diapers still
*lots of table foods...loves everything!
*still not sleeping through the night
*working on having the paci ONLY at night and nap time.
*Loves to snuggle :)
* size 12-18 month shirts
* size 6-12 and 12-18 month pants

We are SO happy he is still here!!! Praying to have the opportunity to paint the nursery BLUE.  Believe in faith with us!! xox