These last few days with my new little Peanut have left me in a state of shock.  I feel myself just going through the motions of meeting his needs and not really thinking about what happened to him or how someone could hurt a baby so tiny and helpless.  When I do drift off  I kinda break down a bit.  I find myself thinking about the ways that someone could have possibly hurt him enough to fracture his ribs...did they step on him?  Squeeze him too hard?  Sit on him?  Or reasons he has scars under his chin?  Dad mentioned to me to be careful of his zippers because he 'got his chin' and there was a nice gash under there to prove it.  When I got home and looked him over...there are SCARS on his chin.  Someone 'zipped' him more than once.  Sweet little Peanut has a hard time feeding and when you put a bottle near or in his mouth he freaks out.  It takes a while for him to latch onto the bottle.  There is also a blister under his tongue where the people from Chi7d Pr0TecTiV3 s3rvices believe that someone jabbed his bottle into his mouth.  The skeletal scan showed that he has healing AND new injuries.  Peanut is a 31 week preemie.  He spent the first month of his life in the hospital growing.  He has only been out of the hospital for about 6 weeks.  I'm sure they have been a very painful 6 weeks for him. 

I just wanted to document my last few days: 

Tuesday: Picked up peanut from the hospital before noon.
I realized he had a hard time latching on to the bottle.  Peanut does not root.  I found the blister under his tongue and called his pediatrician to make an appointment. 
Peanut went to bed around 11:30pm and slept through til 6 am. 

Wednesday: Woke up with Peanut about 6am and immediately called the pediatric ward at the hospital he was discharged from.  I asked if they had seen any feeding issues and they said yes.  They also filled me in on some other things they saw.  Peds office called back for a 10:30am appointment.  I met the agency worker (whom I LOVE!!!) bio dad and grandma (who dad lives with).  I asked the ped MANY questions about sickness vs. abuse and it's clear that baby has been abused. 
Walking through T@rget after the appointment  my phone rang.  It was the agency worker telling me that I was to go to the emergency room IMMEDIATELY with Peanut. The pediatric opthomologist wanted to check for retinal hemorrhage consistent with Shaken Baby Syndrome.  To make a very long story (and an even longer DAY) shorter...it turns out that the dr saw nothing wrong with Peanuts eyes.  Thank you Jesus!! This baby is a fighter.  His 9lb body has endured so much pain but he is here and he is ok.  Our goal is to help him heal his little brain.  Hoping he can learn to trust.  Went to bed at 11pm and woke up at 3 for 4 oz of formula.


Thursday:  Woke up at 6:30am with first dirty diaper.  Full day with Peanut.  Latching better to bottle.  A bit fussy before and during feeding but at least he's eating.  Slept well during the day.  Bed at 11:30pm.  Woke up at 4:30am for about 3.5 oz.  Woke up again at 8am for the day.