I woke up Thursday morning to the MOST AMAZING gift...EVER. Felix's grandma sent an email and a picture. Can you feel the sheer JOY through my words?!?!?! He is gorgeous

(I knew he would be) and he is now 18 months old. My heart has been flying with this gift she has given me. I have spent many minutes during the past few days staring at his picture. I know that God must have a plan as to why he's not with us and to know the outcome of this whole journey would be wonderful. Things like this make it a bit easier to get out of bed in the morning and keep doing what I'm doing. :) (pictures removed for privacy)

It has been a pleasure to watch these boys learn how a family works and follow our daily routine. They obviously crave structure and praise. Not to say it's been easy. There are MANY times when I want to pull my hair out of my head...piece by piece. But I know they're trying. While I was looking for blog names for them someone suggested I wait to see their personalities...then get something from that. If I did this their names would be
"Time Out" and "Climber". (I may have to rethink the blog names of Hewey, Dewey and Lewey. Not only because I can't keep them straight but also because I think the actual D*is*ney names are spelled Hewey, Duey and Louie.) I digress...

While I was waiting for the boys I had these elaborate dreams of what we'd do once they were here. We have done a lot but it seems as if there isn't enough hours in the day. We are still learning a nap schedule and bedtime routines are coming together nicely. I had the privilege of staying during yesterday's visit with their older brother and paternal grandparents. My heart breaks that these 3 boys cannot be together but I know that God has not forgotten about them. After playing with the 3 of them during the hour visit I was wishing I had another bed in my house and a bigger car so I could keep them together. This boy (I was told) is extremely aggressive and very physical with his brothers. It didn't seem like this to me. He was easily re-directed with firm words and apologetic if he did something wrong. It seems that he was also the 'caretaker' while mom was 'unable' (unwilling...whatever). Yes...um, he's 4. It kind of baffles me that I was the one on the floor playing with them during the GRANDPARENTS visit. Grandma just sat there telling us all kinds of stories of why she didn't take the 3 boys. The boys that are with me gave their hugs and said goodbye but older brother was bawling. I have this crazy feeling something is not 'right' in the therapeutic home where he is placed. I think he is the youngest in the house only because when we said goodbye outside he was already in the (very full) car, crying hard, and no one was consoling him...not even the foster mom. I mean...seriously...the kid is 4!!! He's a baby that was trying to be the adult and his whole world has been turned up side down in the past week and a half. I have already asked the caseworker if we could take him home with us after next week's visit for a few hours. I hope I'm not opening a can of worms... I would never knock another foster parent but something doesn't seem right. New blog names to come... :)

The boys are napping so I figured I'd let out a few happenings around here. It was a week, Monday, that they came here. I think that they have adjusted well to our family routine and the stability of having one person around ALL the time. I'd be lying if I said it was easy. This is our first placement of toddlers and it has challenged me to keep my cool and remember where they've come from. I DO NOT feel that D*S*S has adequately prepared us for the challenges that are ahead. I was all ready to sit and blog last night about how well they are doing and they things they are achieving then...last night happened. Night time routine has been the hardest for the boys to follow. I have no clue what their mom did or how they went to sleep at night. It has been a trying experience but I think we've done ok. I have spoken to the caseworker and found out some of the things these boys possibly dealt with and it kind of makes it easier to be patient with them. Most people have 9 months to get ready for a baby...I had 2 hours to get ready for 2 toddlers. The family members that want them have had their home studies done and now we wait. Not sure how long they'll be here but we're enjoying them while we can. :)

Ok, so seriously.... WHAT CONSTITUTES CALLING FOR A THERAPEUTIC FOSTER HOME???? Please help....

I've decided on 'blog' names of Hewey (Boy #1 who is 4), Dewey (Boy #2 who is 2) and Lewey (Boy #3 who is 1). If you recall, I only have Dewey and Lewey placed with me. Originally, Hewey and Lewey were placed in a home together while Baby Lewey was placed alone. Hewey and Lewey's foster mother said that they fought violently and Hewey was constantly on top of Dewey punching and hitting. There were also other children in the house at the time and Hewey physically fought with them as well. The fighting was SO bad that one of the boys in her home had to walk around with a hockey helmet on and a stick to protect himself. So, after 30 hours, she called to have Hewey moved from her home. Well, here we are 5 days later and my question is...why did they place him in a Therapeutic foster home? What is done differently there than here? I'm hoping you all can help me out.
I am pretty sure that SOMEONE has the answeres I need.
Waaayy too much violence today...
I can show you the bite marks to prove it.

I sat down to post a few days ago but my emotions got the better of me. These boys are wonderful. More than I could have EVER imagined. The ONLY thought that comes to mind is how will I EVER let them go?!?! I'll admit. Day 1 (Mon) was overwhelming. It took every ounce of energy to go through bins of clothes, set up beds, cribs and play areas with appropriate toys. We went outside and played in the yard, went for walks, and they toured the house. By dinner time I was getting nervous to see how they'd react to me bathing them and putting them down for the night. Bath time went well. Both of the boys had a hard time with bed. I was in tears asking myself if I could really DO THIS... What I meant to say was...day to day life AND this whole foster care thing. Taking care of other people's kids is one thing...dealing with the drama that goes along with foster care is a WHOLE other story!!! After a good night's sleep I was able to see through clearer eyes. Day 2 (Tues)- I realized that no matter what I feel...I know that God has these boys here for a reason. I will do WHATEVER it takes to keep them safe and help them know they're loved. I took my girls to vacation bible camp and when I walked in with these 'boys'...people were floored. My friend 'S' came over and I introduced her to them and with COMPLETE shock she said "I know these boys. I grew up with their mother. Their Christmas picture is on my fridge".
Holy bombshell Batman!!!
I was like WHAT?!?!?!?
She went on to tell me a bit about the boys mom and I just sat there FLOORED. At this point I still had none of the boys birth dates, no proper spelling of their names and I had NO CLUE why they were in care. 'S' gave me a bit of insight into the boys life. That night I just broke down. Knowing they have a loving mother makes this SO much harder. Not only because I want them to stay but no matter WHAT I do, I cannot help her. This is something SHE has to do ALONE. And even if they don't go home to mom...they will most likely go to a family member. Either way...we lose. Again... When their journey through foster care is done they still wind up with a family and us...we are at square one...again. I put my feelings aside and finished my day. Day 3 (Wed)- More trying moments then before. I have been tested at least 100 times a day and it seems at times that these 'babies' are even MORE strong willed than I am (as IF THAT were even possible!!!) Bedtime came and once again there was a power struggle...I won...he slept. ***Side Note***- I spoke to the home finder who has been handling the case. I was told that the boys have relatives who are stepping up and want custody. It was a possibility that they could leave tomorrow (Thurs).
Day 4 (Thurs)- The morning was wonderful. I'm still learning schedules, nap times and how each personality is different. We have been assigned a case worker (finally) and it happens to be "THE CASE WORKER"...Daisy's case worker. :O) That's a good thing. We like him. He called at 8am (I had already been up for an hour and a half @@ ) and proceeded to tell me how the boys are to visit with their Aunt, Grandmother and brother. He also told me that bio mom consented to keep the boys in care so we should have them for at least a few days. The visit went well. All the boys were thrilled to see each other. We took the kids out for the afternoon as a family and they went to bed with no problems. So...here we are...you're all caught up and you've probably figured out that I really need YOUR help. Please pray. Pray for bio mom...that she gets her act together. Pray for these babies. They are emotionally starved and extremely violent. Pray for peace for them and for our house. I feel ill-equipped. I know they need SO much more than I can give them. I have no Child Psychology degree. I am doing my best to love them through their tantrums and enjoy every minute I have with them. I know that I have to fully rely on God's grace right now. But please. If you think about us...give God a shout out on our behalf. :O)
Thank you... More soon.

I apologize. I had absolutely NO intention of driving you crazy (Lynee)!!! :) If I say crazy...I mean CRAZZZZZZZZZZYYY!!! :) I woke up this morning and made my rounds to get each child where they needed to be at the allotted time. While on my way to pick everyone up, I got a phone call. The question was..."are you willing to take 2 boys". The answer...without ANY other questions..."YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!". OK, I lied. Reality set in and I was curious. Unfortunately, the home finder had NO answers. The only thing I knew was there were 2 boys, brothers, who needed a home. Ages would come eventually but they're always off anyway. SO...I agreed to take them knowing they were around 2 1/2 and 19 months. No names. No history. That's it. But if you're a foster parent...sometimes that's all you get. I waited for a phone call telling me when and where to pick them up. That came while my family and I were out to lunch...literally. We went out to eat and (of course) in the middle of the meal...the phone rings. I got a bit more info. Names. That's it. They were placed a few days ago but for some reason they went into emergency care. I'm not sure why I wasn't called then but I can only guess it's because of their older brother. Originally, he (the oldest boy) was placed with brother #2 into one home and brother #3 was placed alone in a another home. Again...not sure why. But I was probably not called because of older brother's age. He (oldest boy) is still within our age limit on our adoption home study but not on our fostering home study. Since they came into care the oldest boy has since been moved into a different foster home (alone). SO...I meet the home finder to pick up these boys (the younger 2) and from minute one I was smitten.

(They really need 'blog' names so I'm open to suggestions. I'd like to 'blog' name all 3 because I think there will most likely be doing sibling visits so HELP!!!! Name away...)

Anyway, picking them up went well. It took a few minutes to get Boy 2 into the car but Boy 3 came willingly with no tears. Getting them home and settled into a house that had NOTHING ready for them...another story. Even though I have BINS of clothes from Felix there is almost NOTHING that I can use for these boys. Guess who's going shopping!!!!!! :) After a family dinner and a bath...they went down for the night. There was a few tears but I'm sure we'll settle into a routine. Boy #2 fell asleep in my arms. :) So, (Lynee), I hope that satisfies your curiosity :) I hope you appreciate the fact that I'm losing precious minutes of sleep to update :)
Pray for these babies. I have NO CLUE what to expect but they have a bit of a rough
road ahead. More soon.... Until then...NAME AWAY!!!

How crazy is my life??? I am going to bed tonight with 2 more children than I woke up with!!! WE GOT THE CALL!!! We are in our GLORY!!! More to come soon... :) I had NO time to get things ready so it's going to be a LONG night. I have drawers to fill and baths to give. More soon... :)

(Can you just FEEL my joy???????) :)