I sat down to post a few days ago but my emotions got the better of me. These boys are wonderful. More than I could have EVER imagined. The ONLY thought that comes to mind is how will I EVER let them go?!?! I'll admit. Day 1 (Mon) was overwhelming. It took every ounce of energy to go through bins of clothes, set up beds, cribs and play areas with appropriate toys. We went outside and played in the yard, went for walks, and they toured the house. By dinner time I was getting nervous to see how they'd react to me bathing them and putting them down for the night. Bath time went well. Both of the boys had a hard time with bed. I was in tears asking myself if I could really DO THIS... What I meant to say was...day to day life AND this whole foster care thing. Taking care of other people's kids is one thing...dealing with the drama that goes along with foster care is a WHOLE other story!!! After a good night's sleep I was able to see through clearer eyes. Day 2 (Tues)- I realized that no matter what I feel...I know that God has these boys here for a reason. I will do WHATEVER it takes to keep them safe and help them know they're loved. I took my girls to vacation bible camp and when I walked in with these 'boys'...people were floored. My friend 'S' came over and I introduced her to them and with COMPLETE shock she said "I know these boys. I grew up with their mother. Their Christmas picture is on my fridge".
Holy bombshell Batman!!!
I was like WHAT?!?!?!?
She went on to tell me a bit about the boys mom and I just sat there FLOORED. At this point I still had none of the boys birth dates, no proper spelling of their names and I had NO CLUE why they were in care. 'S' gave me a bit of insight into the boys life. That night I just broke down. Knowing they have a loving mother makes this SO much harder. Not only because I want them to stay but no matter WHAT I do, I cannot help her. This is something SHE has to do ALONE. And even if they don't go home to mom...they will most likely go to a family member. Either way...we lose. Again... When their journey through foster care is done they still wind up with a family and us...we are at square one...again. I put my feelings aside and finished my day. Day 3 (Wed)- More trying moments then before. I have been tested at least 100 times a day and it seems at times that these 'babies' are even MORE strong willed than I am (as IF THAT were even possible!!!) Bedtime came and once again there was a power struggle...I won...he slept. ***Side Note***- I spoke to the home finder who has been handling the case. I was told that the boys have relatives who are stepping up and want custody. It was a possibility that they could leave tomorrow (Thurs).
Day 4 (Thurs)- The morning was wonderful. I'm still learning schedules, nap times and how each personality is different. We have been assigned a case worker (finally) and it happens to be "THE CASE WORKER"...Daisy's case worker. :O) That's a good thing. We like him. He called at 8am (I had already been up for an hour and a half @@ ) and proceeded to tell me how the boys are to visit with their Aunt, Grandmother and brother. He also told me that bio mom consented to keep the boys in care so we should have them for at least a few days. The visit went well. All the boys were thrilled to see each other. We took the kids out for the afternoon as a family and they went to bed with no problems. So...here we are...you're all caught up and you've probably figured out that I really need YOUR help. Please pray. Pray for bio mom...that she gets her act together. Pray for these babies. They are emotionally starved and extremely violent. Pray for peace for them and for our house. I feel ill-equipped. I know they need SO much more than I can give them. I have no Child Psychology degree. I am doing my best to love them through their tantrums and enjoy every minute I have with them. I know that I have to fully rely on God's grace right now. But please. If you think about us...give God a shout out on our behalf. :O)
Thank you... More soon.