Calm, quiet, sick...

Smiley left and Spicy girl came for respite for 10 days.  Such a sweet baby girl.  My friend has been fostering her for the past 7 weeks and no one knows this but it's a pretty high profile case in this area.  Spicy girl is 9 months old and SO independent.  She is VERY tiny and LOVES to chatter.  She adjusted well to the chaos in our very busy home and definitely bonded with Sprout.  My friend came to get her on Sunday and it was sad to see her go.  I get her again next weekend for the night and we are all looking forward to having her back even if it's only for a day.  Little Train's foster mom contacted me this week to ask if I's take him for respite at the end of the month.  I told her that as long as the agency says yes, of course we'd LOVE to have him here. 

It's not easy being babyless.  I am constantly thinking I left someone upstairs or outside and it's only my imagination.  Sprout is potty trained (yeaaah) and so when I leave the house I'm always rethinking the diaper bag...do I need it or not?!
I've been cleaning and reorganizing my baby items and trying to purge the things I don't need.  I've also been sick since Spicy girl left.  So I'm kind of happy I haven't been called for another baby...not that I would say no...  :)

Smiley's gone...

Smiley left us a few days ago. He is now with paternal grandma, who has custody of him. Found out from grandma that bio mom refused drug court. That scares me only because bio mom was doing so well.  My fear is that now grandma has custody, bio mom will become complacent in working a plan and Smiley will linger with grandma.  This was not good news. I know drug court is hard and there are many requirements but there is a lot of accountability and bio mom had a fast chance at getting him back.  I know grandma loves him and he'll be ok.  I wish him the best.

No news on the heart baby.  I don't think it's happening.  I'm waiting on a friend to bring her foster baby here for a week.  Spicy Girl is 8 months old and tiny.  Just respite but I'm excited... 

Going and coming...

Smiley is packed up and ready to leave to go to paternal grandma's tomorrow.  This is the third time he's been packed but I have been  assured that the paperwork is in and the county is recommending that he be placed with grandma. So, we'll know more in the morning.  

I called the agency home finder regarding more information on the heart baby and as of this morning CPS had not been contacted and a report had not been filed on biological parents. I'm not getting my hopes up with this one.  So, by this time tomorrow, the house should be a bit more quiet.  

Breadcrumbs and surrender...

You know how in the story Hansel and Gretel they leave breadcrumbs so they know how to get home again?  Well, there have been may breadcrumbs to help me believe I'm on the right path towards fulfilling God's purpose for me on this earth.  The desire to adopt began when I was about 12.  The thought of adding a child to my family through adoption was intriguing.  The idea of a child without a mother and father to adore and lavish them with love broke my heart.  So, the seed of adoption was planted.  I never though about biological vs. adopted children. I never planned on how many boys or girls I wanted.  I just figured I'd let God take care of it and I'd just be willing. When my husband and I had out first child there was still the idea of adoption but looking back...God's plan is perfect and His timing is even better.  Fast forward 6 years into our marriage and 4 kids later...we decided to foster with hope of adoption.  We have brought many babies into this house through foster care.  We have given them stability, patience and love.  We have kissed their necks, wiped their tears and handed them back over to family members or biological parents with hopes that in the time they were with us we've made a difference in their lives. 5 years into our journey through the foster system, we were placed with a newborn boy who was considered 'pre-adoptive'.  In this system, that means no more than giving a little extra hope that this boy would be staying forever.   This was my dream...to adopt.  728 days after this boy was placed with us...he became our son.  The 728 day wait was nothing more than a roller coaster of emotions filled with tears, joys, patience and HOPE.  My eyes seem to have a permanent set of rose colored glasses affixed to them so my only prayer was "God, I want to be in YOUR will.  I want to KNOW this boy is supposed to be ours forever."  God could not have made it any more clear. 

We have enjoyed watching Sprout grow every day.  No matter how naughty he gets or how loud he whines, I STILL take nothing for granted.  This boy is my dream come true.  A dream fulfilled by God Himself!  Sprout is now 3 1/2 years old.  I have prayed for a brother for him since I found out his biological mother was expecting another baby.  She gave birth to a boy over 18 months ago and she is parenting him well enough that he has not come into care.  We prayed for God's will in that situation and he has made it clear that Sprout's bio 1/2 brother is not to be ours.  At least not right now.  In my praying I have begun to pray specifically.  I wanted either another child from birth or an 18-24 month old that Sprout can grow up with.  A pre-adoptive child so we'd at least know how the case was headed.  On Thursday, when the home finder called for a pre-adoptive baby who has been abandoned at the hospital I about freaked. 

There are MANY reasons why this phone call should not have been to MY home.  ***Considering Smiley is still here when he was supposed to leave 5 weeks ago. 
***The fact that we have already adopted and the fact that there are MANY people waiting for a pre-adoptive placement. 
***Since we have 5 children and there are people out there who are waiting and have NONE.

I could go on and on.  It still baffles me that she called MY house.  But I KNOW that it's God's way of giving me BREADCRUMBS to show me that I'm on the right path.  I have not heard whether this new baby is a boy or a girl.  I just know there was a baby in the hospital who needed a mommy and I wanted to be that mommy.  When I called the home finder for more info about this baby and to see if I could go up to the hospital and snuggle him/her I found out some discouraging news.  Baby is not at the hospital a few minutes away as we originally thought.  This baby is in a neighboring state over 3 hours away because bio mom was high when she gave birth and was told that if she went to 'this state' they wouldn't care that she was high.  She had the baby and checked herself out leaving no plan for the baby.  I don't even know if this baby has a name. 

To rewind a minute, there have been a few things that I have wanted to have for our 'next child'.  (That's faith in action right there!)  I have been looking for a specific car seat for a while now and actually had it in my hand earlier this year.  BRAND NEW and 1/3 of the normal price.  Last night someone listed the exact same car seat on an online sale site and I was actually the first to respond.  Um, THAT NEVER HAPPENS to me!! While picking up the car seat today in conversation with the seller I explained how excited I was that I finally found this car seat and that I was the first responder.  She proceeded to explain to me that she has listed this car seat MANY times before and NO ONE has ever even commented on it.  BREADCRUMB!?!?!  I told her I was expecting to bring home a new baby through foster care this week and she said that it was just waiting for me.  I agree. 

I haven't shopped AT ALL (and it's killing me) for this baby because 1) I don't know if it's a boy or girl and 2) Not sure if it's happening.  This could all be preparing our hearts for the next call.  But I have SURRENDERED MY WILL to God and I'm trusting him that HIS plans are good.  My only prayer is that while we do wait to hear about this baby that there is SOMEONE in that hospital loving on him/her and snuggling this sweet baby until his/her 'mama' can. 

Still here...

Well, Smiley is still here. The agency worker called after court to tell me that he'll be staying until the SCR clearances come back for grandma.  Funny thing is, she is a state employee. So, I get to love on Smiley a bit longer.  His first tooth is finally coming through (bottom left) and he is much happier.  He is still chewing on everything and drooling a ton so I'm sure there's will be more teeth poking through soon. 

Court tomorrow...

I know I haven't posted much about Smiley.  He has been here since mid-May and he is such a happy baby.  He turned 8 months old while with us.  He is not yet sitting up or crawling.  His bio mom has court for him tomorrow and it looks like he'll be leaving to go live with paternal grandma. Bio mom will still have to work a case plan through the county and they will monitor her progress.  If I'm correct...paternal grandma will have to give the ok for Smiley to go home to bio mom.  I was told that paternal grandma was going to withdraw her petition for custody when bio mom was released from jail because she 'just didn't want Smiley in foster care".  Bio mom is very happy with him being with us.  So, tomorrow, after court I will get a phone call that either Smiley is meeting at D*S*S for a visit with bio mom and grandma OR he is going to live with grandma.  I'm ok.  I'll miss his Smile and loving on a baby but we all know they don't always stay. 

Content...

Little Train left a week ago tomorrow.  Smiley is still here and settling in well.  I LOVED having 3 boys to take care of and especially a playmate for my Sprout.  I know Little Train will thrive in his current foster home.  Smiley had his first visit with his mom outside of the walls of the county jail.  She seemed a bit frazzled but I can tell she loves her baby boy.  Not sure what will happen now that paternal grandma decided not to petition the court for custody of him.  Grandma wants bio mom to be with Smiley, she was only petitioning for custody to keep him out of foster care.  I think he'll be here for at least another few weeks.  Bio mom has a few things to get in order before the next court date. 

Merry Christmas!

It's like Christmas in May!  I love having a house FULL of boys!  Sprout, Little Train and Smiley are keeping me busy...but in a good way. I told the case worker that every morning when I wake up I have that 'Christmas morning' anticipation! The boys are getting  along well.  Little Train is supposed to go back to his foster home on Monday and I am definitely going to miss him.  His little personality is really coming out and he is such a happy boy.  He is just starting to walk and loves to explore.  He is trying really hard to keep up with Sprout. Smiley has been here a week today.  We are still figuring each other out.  He is a good eater and sleeps through the night.  Both Smiley and Little Train go to bed around 8pm.  Sprout gets some extra loving for another hour and then he's in bed around 9.  To be honest, I've been in bed at 10pm each night to make sure I get enough sleep to deal with these little men. 

Update on Smiley-  Looks like Smiley will be going to a paternal grandma.  He is 7 months old.  We are just waiting for a home study to be done on her and a background check to be done on her 'friend' who lives with her.  But I have no problem loving on his chubby little self until that time. 

My heart is so happy with all these BOYS in the house!  Looks like I might NEED some more 'keepers'.  :)

Day 2 with Smiley

So, I'll call him Smiley.  He's adjusting great.  There are times that he cries and I feel like he's grieving but then in 2 seconds flat he's smiling again.  I really like the fact that he came to us so close to the weekend and we've had time to bond before a busy week of appointments and possible visits.  Sprout is doing really well with him and Little Train is coming tomorrow to spend the week with us.  Full house..full heart.