It doesn't take more than a few words from the agency worker to get me fired up.  I have been sharing my concerns for Sprout with him and since court is next week I figured that he'd better hear it now instead of in the court room.  There are MANY concerns I have regarding his safety and bio mom's ability to anticipate any safety issues that might come up when he is in her care.  She can barely take care of herself let alone him.  There are also feeding issues and although they are probably not going to take them seriously (because at least she is attempting to feed him) I will still open my mouth and voice them hoping someone hears my 'mommy's heart' for this boy and wanting the very best for him.  I called Sprout's lawyer and voiced all my concerns and she said she has had to deal with bio mom on the cases of her other children (there is no conflict) and she has many concerns too.  I feel much better about the fact that I said something NOW instead of waiting until AFTER court next week.  What I DON'T understand is how the agency worker can tell me that since there are still safety issues at bio mom's house they might be ending the visit early tomorrow.  Well, WHY is he going there in the first place??!! AND for an UNsupervised visit nonetheless!??!?! I am so conflicted as to where my heart is in this.  As a foster parent I KNOW I should be advocating for his safety but as his 'mommy' I want to make sure they check EVERY AREA of her life prior to reunification.  Giving her these next 6 months to see if she does continue to make her visits and keep him safe will show her 'true colors' and it will tell is she can truly put Sprout first.  But to me, 6 months seems like a long time to wait when she already has other children that are no longer with her and adopted out.  She surrendered her rights to them when she got pregnant with Sprout.  I have admitted the cardinal $in of fostering...I want my Sprout to stay FOREVER.  I love him as if I birthed him myself.  The love that I have for this boy has been growing for 7 years...before I ever held him in my arms.  But loving him means wanting the very best for him and I truly don't think she can give that...  God has this sweet boys future in His hand I am learning that I have to trust Him.  Did you know that I am a control freak!?!?  Handing over control and putting all my trust in the unknown future is scary...  If I didn't know that God has amazing plans for us (and Sprout) that are good...I'd be freaking out right now...even more than I already am :)