Back to school. It's been good for the kiddos to get back into a routine. It's been good for the mommy's ego for the house to stay clean for more than 15 minutes at a time. Arizona is in school 5 days a week 5 hours a day. Lil' Man goes to 'school' for 1 hour 2 days a week. They are both doing well with time away from each other. Lil' Man's personality is coming out more and more without his big brother around. His speech is lacking but with chronic ear infections I'm hoping a referral to the ENT will warrant tubes. Speech should pick up then. He hears and understands everything. The boys' behavior is getting better although we never go without some sort of tantrum they realize that they will not always get what they want. Respite plans have been made for the boys for next month. I requested the same person who they stayed with last time and she said yes. :) She is wonderful.

Visits are going well...2 hours a week. I'm not sure if Hope understands all the ins and outs of foster care because she sometimes requests things that are a bit 'out there'. (Who am I kidding??? I don't even understand foster care sometimes!!!) I have submitted our home study (to a different agency) for another baby and I'm waiting to hear but not holding my breath. I feel like if it's supposed to happen...it will. It's been pretty quiet here...even with 6 kids in the house. Knowing that the boys' stay here is temporary makes me very ambivalent. I am happy for their mom but still trying to keep my heart in check. Is there ever a line you don't cross when it comes to making these kids happy?? What exactly is the difference between mom and foster mom??? How do you welcome kids into your house but not show then every bit of love and affection you show your bios? How do you keep a 2 year old at arms length when you snuggle??? How do you kiss the clean neck of a 1 year old and not tell him you love him??? Ok, so reality? I know they're going home...but trying to remember that they were really never mine to begin with.