Got a call...

***'Leah' is now 'Doc'.

On August 13th I got a call for respite. Not sure if I've blogged about it before but this isn't the first time I was asked to take this child.  She has medical issues similar to Baby Love and her worker (same worker Baby Love and Smiley had) thought that we'd be a perfect match.  The home finder asked if I'd take her for respite for the coming weekend because the agency is working with a skeleton staff and many foster parents were either away, unwilling or unable.  I hesitantly said yes. Leah was discharged from the hospital to our home for her 10 days of respite.  We could only take her for the weekend then I'd pack her up and send her to another home for the last 7 days.  I'd been warned of how tiny she is and how fast I'd fall in love.  She walked up to the front door and was the tiniest 5 year old I've ever seen. She is wearing a 3T and is only 29 pounds. (Sprout is my 4 year old son and he is wearing a size 5 and just about 40 pounds). 

Leah was only born with half of her heart.  She used to have a feeding tube but it has been removed. She has scoliosis and it's pretty severe.  Her asthma flares up every once in a while but for the most part she's healthy.  Leah is a very talkative, VERY bright little girl.  She isn't shy and she is very aware of what foster care is and aside from learning the names of the people in my house she was a very nice house guest.  She is on the track to reunification and is allowed to speak to her bio mom twice a day. The agency worker thinks that Leah will home in 6 months.  If not, TPR will HAVE to be filed because her and her brother have been in care almost 2 years.  Leah and her brother were initially placed together but because they didn't interact well and his impulsivity, they had no choice but to separate them.  (Not sure how bio mom will handle them both when they are reunified).  Her brother, Jaden, is a year older than her almost to the day.  Earlier this summer, I was asked to take both of them for respite but didn't feel comfortable breaking our rule of 'no older children than Sprout' in the home.  This time around, knowing they separated Leah from Jaden made it a bit easier saying yes.

The weekend went well. She and Sprout played and because we had nothing planned, we just sat by the pool and relaxed. We colored, went to church, watched movies and ate dinner out one night. I didn't want to do too much with her not only because she'd just spent 5 days in the hospital and she needed to stay quiet but I also didn't want her to think that respite is a party.  Too much fun here would have made it really hard for her foster mom when she returned home. I spoke to bio mom just to fill her in on how things were going and bio mom asked me if we'd take Leah as a permanent placement.  I explained that things really don't work that way and that she's placed with 'Betty' and I was only her respite home. Bio mom thanked me for taking such good care of Leah and the next morning I packed up her things and dropped her off with the worker.  Later that day, the worker texted me to ask if we'd take Leah as a placement.  Bio mom really liked the things she was hearing from Leah, she liked that I took the time to do her hair and loved the fact that I actually got on the phone with her to discuss her daughter.  She wanted her moved here. 

SOOO, after much consideration, family meetings and prayer...we've decided to take Leah.  I had questions about school, transport for visits and the biggest question was what if bio mom stopped working her plan.  I have no intention on adopting this little girl.  The agency worker ASSURES me that this bio mom will not stop fighting for her kids.  Her track record is good and they should be home very soon.  There are reasons that the agency feels that our home would be better for Leah than Betty's...I won't go into that but for the most part, I agree.  So, she's in respite until Monday and after her visit she'll be brought back to Betty's for the night to get her things.  She should be here this week. 

***'Leah' is now Doc.

Got a call...

Last Friday my cell phone rang. It was the agency supervisor calling for respite. "I have a  sibling group of 3 coming in. A 4 y/o boy, 2 1/2 y/o girl and their 1 1/2 y/o brother. I need respite til Monday but if you fall in love with them...you can keep them as a placement". 
Reluctantly, I said yes. I hung up the phone and finished the dishes, cleaned the bathroom, switched over the laundry and swept the floors. I got bedding ready and put away Sprout's toys I didn't want to see broken. Just as I sat down to relax (3 hours later) the phone rang again. It was the agency supervisor letting me know that "they won't be coming in today because CPS is giving mom another chance. It could be any time this weekend though".  Well, at least the house is clean...

No news on Little Mighty :/

It's been 3 weeks today that I buckled him in his car seat and kissed him goodbye.  I haven't heard anything.  My heart breaks thinking he might be waiting to come 'home' to me.  I wonder if he has taken his first steps or finally uttered his first word.  I wonder if they're leaving him in his 'crib' all day...like they used to. I wonder if they're feeding him. 

We have returned to baseline as a family.  We even got away for a few days and enjoyed each others company outside the monotony of every day life.  Many times throughout these past few weeks I've thought I left him strapped in his car seat in the car or in the shopping cart at the store.  These are things that no one tells you can happen when you 'lose' a child.  I keep thinking I hear him crying in his crib then I remember...he's not here.  I think that this part of foster care has it's down side.  Trying to integrate back into everyday life without the baby you've been caring for every day for the past 9 months.  There are many tricks your mind can play on you.

Sprout keeps asking about Little Mighty.  I gently remind him that Little Mighty is home with his mommy and daddy and together we pray for the next him and the next little one who will come into our lives.  This journey is hard but I know it's worth it.  These kids are worth it. 

Little Mighty

He's gone. CPS will stay involved for a year. That's good that eyes will be on him. If he loses wright he comes back into care. Pray for this sweet boy. That he keeps his love for life and his gorgeous smile. 

Little Mighty

Little Mighty was placed with us in October of 2014. He was a 15 pound nugget only after gaining 2 pounds in 5 days in the hospital.  He was 10 months old.  He didn't turn his head when I called his name.  He barely sat up or crawled.  He was essentially a 2 month old. He is still here after 8 months.  He is transitioning home and will be placed back home permanently in about 2 weeks.  His bio parents have finished their parenting classes, done their mental health counseling, taken substance abuse counseling and 'kept their home safe and stable'...(meaning no CPS calls regarding their 2 other children). 

They also...

Cancelled about 33 percent of the visits when they were supervised. 
(More than once) Have not changed his diaper during a 6 hour visit. (Yes, I marked the diapers)
Sent him home in dirty, filled diapers. 
Complained about having to feed him because I get their W*IC checks and they cant afford to feed him. 
Had him 'nap' for 2 hours during a 4 hour visit at 10 in the morning.
Not made it to ANY of his appointments that were scheduled for months (well baby, sick child visits, and specialist appointments).
Cancelled a specialist appointment I had for a hearing evaluation because he was on their time and at overnight and they didn't want to bring him. 
Sent him home to me because they didn't want him while he was sick. (with a runny nose)
Cancelled visits if they knew he was sick the day before.
Have made excuses on why they can't have more time with him when the worker tries to extend visits. 
 
I fear for his future.  While he doesn't come home with bruises I can tell that he is hungry and he usually eats a full meal even after bios state they've fed him. 
Court is in 2 weeks. I was told to expect him to be returned then. I've started packing his things.  There is no reason to believe that he won't go home. Last court date was the beginning of June. Prior to walking into court it seemed that the decision had already been made to return him home. The actual 'court session' seemed like a formality.  So much that when the judge asked if I had anything too add I shook my head and couldn't speak because I was dumbfounded. 

At 18 (almost 19) months old...Little Mighty is not walking. He doesn't have ONE word.  He makes good eye contact and knows his name. He is crawling and pulling to stand.  He eats like a man and sleeps like a baby.  He plays hard in between. He is receiving speech and occupational therapy. Foster care is not fair. I struggle with the fact that he's leaving only because the bios haven't changed. They've done NOTHING to make me think that he'll be out of his crib and playing and/or stimulated.  This is exactly what he came FROM.  No human interaction or stimulation and they weren't feeding him.  And I hope I'm wrong but it seems he's going back to exactly that. 

Horrible blogger...

I've been the worst blogger.  I have no excuse and I hope it doesn't come and bite me in the end.  I've used this blog to record the details of Little Mighty's case.  The visits have been unsupervised for a while now.  They recently were extended and now the agency worker told me the county is extending them again. The bios have sent him back to me hungry (saying he ate) they've sent him back with a dirty diaper and wet.  They've complained about almost everything I've put on him.  I'm tired.  I know he's going home and I've been waiting for the workers to tell me he's going for overnights.  The bios have tried to end a visit over an hour early because they said he was sick.  They wanted me to drop what I was doing and take him to the dr. they don't want him at their house when he's sick.  I've tried to explain that there's nothing I can do for him that they can't.  He is too young to know the difference...thank God.  He is extremely delayed. He turns 18 months old this month and still doesn't have one word and has yet to try to take his first step.  His core muscles are very loose.  He is just a floppy boy.  His therapist sees him 2x a week and is requesting that at the next evaluation meeting that we add speech.  I have to be honest.  I am afraid for him if/when he goes home.  The bios present well so I know its just a matter of time.  I am beyond frustrated with the system and I'm tired of the laws that protect the rights of the parent.  My older kids have asked if we can take the summer off of fostering if he leaves.  Court is next month (June). Unless we get called for a newborn... Lol. 

  

Bonding...

Little Mighty started Unsupervised visits with his bio mom and dad. I have seen many red flags with his behavior and his attitude in general but there is nothing that he is doing that would stop visits from being unsupervised.  The bios have told the case worker that they fed him then when he has come home he has eaten an entire sandwich, a jar of fruit and drank 3/4 sippy cup of milk.  When I tell him no or take something from him he throws THE BIGGEST tantrums.  I am very concerned about his ability to bond.  I can tell he KNOWS who we are but his ability to make good eye contact and his lack of wanting to be held scares me.  He will be 17 months old later this month.  He is a very smiley boy so trying to convince the agency worker that I am concerned makes me seem crazy but the county worker agrees that the degree of abuse and neglect he has suffered can definitely make him a candidate for some type of Reactive Attachment Disorder.  The county that he is placed through is a county WELL KNOWN for reuniting children and their parents even though that are severe bonding concerns with him and his bios.  The agency worker told me that when she picked him up today after his visit that he was in an exersaucer.  He was only there for an hour and no one was holding him...so sad.  I assume there are still concerns for Winter (baby sister) and Bailey but no one has mentioned that anything has happened with the girls in a while.  The agency worker also mentioned that last week when she 'forgot' to pick up Little Mighty after a 2 hour visit bio mom was calling her cell phone asking when she was coming to pick him up.  You'd think she'd love more time with the  son she says she desperately wants home.