Smiley's gone...

Smiley left us a few days ago. He is now with paternal grandma, who has custody of him. Found out from grandma that bio mom refused drug court. That scares me only because bio mom was doing so well.  My fear is that now grandma has custody, bio mom will become complacent in working a plan and Smiley will linger with grandma.  This was not good news. I know drug court is hard and there are many requirements but there is a lot of accountability and bio mom had a fast chance at getting him back.  I know grandma loves him and he'll be ok.  I wish him the best.

No news on the heart baby.  I don't think it's happening.  I'm waiting on a friend to bring her foster baby here for a week.  Spicy Girl is 8 months old and tiny.  Just respite but I'm excited... 

Going and coming...

Smiley is packed up and ready to leave to go to paternal grandma's tomorrow.  This is the third time he's been packed but I have been  assured that the paperwork is in and the county is recommending that he be placed with grandma. So, we'll know more in the morning.  

I called the agency home finder regarding more information on the heart baby and as of this morning CPS had not been contacted and a report had not been filed on biological parents. I'm not getting my hopes up with this one.  So, by this time tomorrow, the house should be a bit more quiet.  

Enjoy the ride...

I know I can choose to get off this ride at any time.  That being said...  The baby we thought we were going to be bringing home as a possible new member of our family will not be coming home to us after all.  The state the baby was born in is going to take custody.  While disappointed, I know that God's plans are for GOOD!  I know my heart is in the right place and I'm trusting He knows best!

 The home finder said she has another baby that may need us very soon.  Another heart baby. This baby has some very special needs and I am nervous but I know that if God calls me to do this, HE will give me the wisdom and the strength I need to follow through.  Will give more details when I know more. 

Breadcrumbs and surrender...

You know how in the story Hansel and Gretel they leave breadcrumbs so they know how to get home again?  Well, there have been may breadcrumbs to help me believe I'm on the right path towards fulfilling God's purpose for me on this earth.  The desire to adopt began when I was about 12.  The thought of adding a child to my family through adoption was intriguing.  The idea of a child without a mother and father to adore and lavish them with love broke my heart.  So, the seed of adoption was planted.  I never though about biological vs. adopted children. I never planned on how many boys or girls I wanted.  I just figured I'd let God take care of it and I'd just be willing. When my husband and I had out first child there was still the idea of adoption but looking back...God's plan is perfect and His timing is even better.  Fast forward 6 years into our marriage and 4 kids later...we decided to foster with hope of adoption.  We have brought many babies into this house through foster care.  We have given them stability, patience and love.  We have kissed their necks, wiped their tears and handed them back over to family members or biological parents with hopes that in the time they were with us we've made a difference in their lives. 5 years into our journey through the foster system, we were placed with a newborn boy who was considered 'pre-adoptive'.  In this system, that means no more than giving a little extra hope that this boy would be staying forever.   This was my dream...to adopt.  728 days after this boy was placed with us...he became our son.  The 728 day wait was nothing more than a roller coaster of emotions filled with tears, joys, patience and HOPE.  My eyes seem to have a permanent set of rose colored glasses affixed to them so my only prayer was "God, I want to be in YOUR will.  I want to KNOW this boy is supposed to be ours forever."  God could not have made it any more clear. 

We have enjoyed watching Sprout grow every day.  No matter how naughty he gets or how loud he whines, I STILL take nothing for granted.  This boy is my dream come true.  A dream fulfilled by God Himself!  Sprout is now 3 1/2 years old.  I have prayed for a brother for him since I found out his biological mother was expecting another baby.  She gave birth to a boy over 18 months ago and she is parenting him well enough that he has not come into care.  We prayed for God's will in that situation and he has made it clear that Sprout's bio 1/2 brother is not to be ours.  At least not right now.  In my praying I have begun to pray specifically.  I wanted either another child from birth or an 18-24 month old that Sprout can grow up with.  A pre-adoptive child so we'd at least know how the case was headed.  On Thursday, when the home finder called for a pre-adoptive baby who has been abandoned at the hospital I about freaked. 

There are MANY reasons why this phone call should not have been to MY home.  ***Considering Smiley is still here when he was supposed to leave 5 weeks ago. 
***The fact that we have already adopted and the fact that there are MANY people waiting for a pre-adoptive placement. 
***Since we have 5 children and there are people out there who are waiting and have NONE.

I could go on and on.  It still baffles me that she called MY house.  But I KNOW that it's God's way of giving me BREADCRUMBS to show me that I'm on the right path.  I have not heard whether this new baby is a boy or a girl.  I just know there was a baby in the hospital who needed a mommy and I wanted to be that mommy.  When I called the home finder for more info about this baby and to see if I could go up to the hospital and snuggle him/her I found out some discouraging news.  Baby is not at the hospital a few minutes away as we originally thought.  This baby is in a neighboring state over 3 hours away because bio mom was high when she gave birth and was told that if she went to 'this state' they wouldn't care that she was high.  She had the baby and checked herself out leaving no plan for the baby.  I don't even know if this baby has a name. 

To rewind a minute, there have been a few things that I have wanted to have for our 'next child'.  (That's faith in action right there!)  I have been looking for a specific car seat for a while now and actually had it in my hand earlier this year.  BRAND NEW and 1/3 of the normal price.  Last night someone listed the exact same car seat on an online sale site and I was actually the first to respond.  Um, THAT NEVER HAPPENS to me!! While picking up the car seat today in conversation with the seller I explained how excited I was that I finally found this car seat and that I was the first responder.  She proceeded to explain to me that she has listed this car seat MANY times before and NO ONE has ever even commented on it.  BREADCRUMB!?!?!  I told her I was expecting to bring home a new baby through foster care this week and she said that it was just waiting for me.  I agree. 

I haven't shopped AT ALL (and it's killing me) for this baby because 1) I don't know if it's a boy or girl and 2) Not sure if it's happening.  This could all be preparing our hearts for the next call.  But I have SURRENDERED MY WILL to God and I'm trusting him that HIS plans are good.  My only prayer is that while we do wait to hear about this baby that there is SOMEONE in that hospital loving on him/her and snuggling this sweet baby until his/her 'mama' can. 

Got a call...

The agency home finder called this morning. She asked if I was willing to take a newborn.  Baby born Tuesday (today's Thursday.) I said yes and I'm waiting for a call back for approval to visit the baby who is still in the hospital.  They're thinking discharge will be in 7-10 days.  More as it happens...

A dream come true...

Just to catch you up...Smiley is still here.  We're still waiting on paternal g-mas clearance to come back. The end of this month is the next court date. He has cut 2 teeth and is starting to crawl. He is really a happy baby and adjusting well...just in time to go to grandmas 😕. 

In other news, I had an amazing opportunity yesterday. My spy friend called and asked if I wanted to meet Sprouts bio brother. He is now 18 months old and still living with bio mom. It took me all of 2 seconds to say yes. I had an hour to love on him and play with him. What an amazing feeling. Sprout has no clue who the baby was but I'm so excited to have those pictures forever. I last time I held him was the day he was born. It was such an exciting day. 

Re-cert

The agency home finder came to re-cert us yesterday.  Everything looks good. I told her we were thinking about adoption again. A boy, between the ages of 15 and 36 months.  Our re-cert says we're certified for 2 but that's only for siblings. 

Sprouts brother is still home with bio mom and he's 18 months old now.  There is rumors she's selling drugs but no proof.  CPS has been called on her twice but the county she lives in is not very strict at all. He had a full cast on his leg for a broken ankle a month ago.  But I've kind of knives up hope he'll come into care.  Realistically, I don't know if I'd want to deal with bio mom again. So, Smiley leaves next week and we'll have room for 2 more. Only a God knows what the future holds.