Re-posted in honor of Foster Care Awareness Month.
I awoke to the phone ringing in the middle of the night. "Do you have a bed for a baby girl?" I talked with the protective services worker, did not accept the placement and wished him luck finding a "bed" for her. The calls in the night are the hardest because I can't fall back to sleep.

Why do they they refer to needing a "bed"? The question is really, "Do you have time in your days to care for a child who may have extra special needs? Do you have room in your heart to love that child as your very own, for as long or as short as she may be with you? Are you willing to put the child's needs above your own, as you would for a child of your own? Are you able to love and protect this child fiercely and yet send the child home after an unpredictable amount of time? Are you willing to seek out resources to meet the child's needs and advocate within the system for the child's best interest? Are you willing to grieve a tremendous loss when the child leaves you? Are you willing to adopt if the child doesn't leave you? And are you willing to ask the same of all your family members?"

All that, nearly on the scale of a wedding vow, being asked on the phone at 4:00 a.m. This time I said no.
But then I wonder and I worry. Will that baby be placed in a good home? Will someone meet her needs? My life feels pretty comfortable right now. Should I have stretched myself a bit and taken in one more? There's no answer to my question. I can only offer up prayers for her, for the children I have in my care and for wisdom and discernment for myself. I take each phone call as it comes.