I wish I was able to look at the circumstance and tell you what is going to happen. It was SO easy for me to tell Michelle that all she had to do was wait and those sweet baby girls would be hers. Sometimes it's SO easy to SEE it. I guess I am just too far into it and I know how much I have to lose. From what I heard at court the goal is still return-to-parent. Looks like we will be losing our sweet Sprout. My heart is breaking but I know that God is calling me to stand up and trust Him. I cannot begin to tell you how hard it is to do that! I want to be able to tell you that even if Sprout leaves us, God is STILL FAITHFUL. Right now, I want to crawl up in a ball and sleep...for the next 4 months. The things I called Sprouts lawyer about didn't even make it into the court room. My mountain is big, my friends...HUGE.
But my God is bigger.
I know that if He called me to walk this road, there is a reason. I find myself justifying my feelings. "If he leaves then we just pick up and move on". "No more diapers, no more strollers". But NO ONE can ever replace the boy we've come to know as our son. This is THE HARDEST thing I've EVER done. Not the fostering part. Taking care of someone else's baby day after day is not hard. Even handing that sweet baby back over to his/her parents...not hard at all.
It's the planning. The dreams.
The dreams that I had for our family included this sweet boy. The future family pictures I saw him in. The soccer games we would have gone to and told everyone "that's MY boy!".
And I know it's going to take the death of those dreams for God to really get my attention...because they were all I have. With those plans I made for myself (and for my sweet boy) gone...I have nothing but to turn my eyes up and ask HIM to show me HIS plans for me. I really can't imagine my life without him but I truly can't imagine my life without Him MORE.
We go back in 4 months. Nothing has changed but everything has changed. I feel like I am at day ONE. My heart is broken but like a precious heirloom vase that has been shattered I know that this is when God can truly use those pieces to let little bits of Him seep out and bless others.
Heard this and it really made me think...
Still working on an answer. I've been holding on as tight as I can...with an open hand.
If I lost it all would my hands stay lifted to the God who gives and takes away?
5 comments:
Praying for you!
Been waiting all day to hear news. This is NOT what I was wanting :( Praying for you and your sweet family. God has a bigger plan for that boy! I know the pain you are feeling :(
Lizzy goal was ALWAYS reunification...until the termination trial.
Only time will tell. If she keeps doing good, yes he will go back. If she doesn't he won't. That is all there is to it.
you are giving him everything and will NEVER regret giving him all of you...no matter of where he grows up.
God is not finished. 4 months is a long time. don't give up
So sorry. I remember these feelings so well. Our situation ended somewhat that way and it about tore my heart out. God is so faithful, though. He WILL sustain you if that is what His will is. Praying that His will is for your little one to stay with you, though.
You just can't know- my friend who just sent home two little girls (two different families) both were returned- one after 4 weeks, one after 2.5 months. The one that was gone for 2.5 months lived with them for 16 months before return home. Now the process begins again. Even if- and that still to me, watching and following your story- is a HUGE if- if he goes home, I doubt he will stay there. It's so hard. We are almost done with the adoption of our 4, and in March we will hit the 3 year mark for how long they have been in our care. The process takes so long, but one thing I am confident in is that they exhausted ALL possible opportunities and options for reunification. There is no second-guessing. These kids are here to stay and the process was thorough. I really hope it is the same for your little guy. I know how exhausting it is. Hugs from here-
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