Not sure how to feel these days.  Sometimes he cries and I don't know how to help him because I, myself, need consoling.  The though of him leaving in just 2 short months makes me sick.  I'm not sure how I should be praying.  Do I pray for the WISDOM and COURAGE to FIGHT for him??? Or the PEACE to LET HIM GO?  I truly felt that this {the issues I'm having with the county over sending him home} was a mountain I needed to pray away.  I have begun to really seek God in what He would have me do. Unfortunately, I have no clear answers.  June is just a few weeks away.  I look at this sweet boy and can't imagine my life without him yet I know that God loves him more than I EVER could.  I have read and re-read the story of Abraham and Isaac MANY times.  I am trying to understand why no one wrote about what Abraham's reaction to God's request.  Because I am struggling with this does that mean I have no faith!? Certainly not.  I have asked God WHY he would call us to walk this emotional journey of F0$ter C@re again...only to lose...again.   Many people have said something like "you've given him the best beginning" or "he'll always have the love you gave him in the first few months".  Well, reality check.  This can ALL be undone when she leaves him crying in his crib or doesn't meet his needs.   I don't have all the answers.  Heck, I don't have any answers.  But I know I have to pray.  Pray that God makes all of this clear to me and that even when I can't see his hand...I will trust His heart.