:::October 17:::

Here I am, checking in! We're still here. The boys spent most of last week in respite because my family and I were out of town. It was some well needed time off and I was able to sit back and reflect and clear my thoughts. The boys stayed with the same respite family as they did last time. I am SO at peace knowing the boys are in good hands. I was SO blessed to meet this family. I got a note from the home finder at D*S*S today. She let me know she got my message and will keep us in mind of a baby becomes available. (Even though we have the boys right now, we know they'll most likely be going home) This could take weeks, months or even years. God knows the desires of my heart and He knows what I can handle. I will wait on HIM! :) School is going great and both boys are really thriving. I can see changes daily and I am SO glad I did not give up on them. I will be the first to tell you that this walk 'on the beach' has not been easy. I have struggles in my faith and cried my eyes out questioning God. Sometimes He is SO quiet that I wonder if He's even here...but I know the truth. It's been Him carrying me. I am thoroughly enjoying the 'blue' aspect of having boys in the house. They both enjoy trains and cars. They push them around the house and it's hysterical to hear some of the boy sounds that they make. My girls never did this. Lil' Man is still showing alot of his anger in ways that scare me at times. I don't know how to help him heal. Arizona is starting to understand the rules of this house and is doing well with routine. His prior diagnosis of A*D*D may be wrong. He is not on any meds and if it were up to me I'd have him re-tested. I have taken most sugars and 'garbage' foods out of his diet. He is on a regular sleep routine with a nap (almost) daily. I have seen a change mostly in him since day 1. They both sleep through the night and I am thankful for that. The next few weeks I will be able to reward them with fun stuff like pumpkin picking and cider donuts. Arizona is thrilled to be celebrating his birthday in the next few weeks. Truth be told, it will be extremely hard to hand them over. It's getting harder every day to have that though go through my head. But I know that all things work together for good. So even though my human mind (thinks) it has all the answers...
my heart knows the truth!