Crazy week... The caseworker called me early on in the week to make me aware that he had spoken to Psycho Chick regarding Daisy's visit. He also asked me if I was willing to supervise the visit...something I abhor doing!! But because I had nothing planned I said yes. I got to the neutral location about 10 minutes early and waited. She showed up on time with a family member. (I can't see why she could POSSIBLE be late when all she has do is walk across the street!) Bio dad did not come because they are not 'together' anymore. SHoCKeR!!! He is supposedly back with his ex-wife. ANYWAY...about 30 minutes into the visit she states how she is not feeling well and may leave early. She actually asked me if this was ok. I told her she has to do what she has to do and that it was up to her. Family member was actually willing to talk about the whole situation but left me feeling like she is in NO better place than Psycho Chick. I was also informed that Daisy has a new baby cousin. Spending time with these people opens my eyes to a whole other world. These people live with so little and things I consider 'needs' are suddenly seen in a whole new light. The only thing that comes to mind is 'survival mode'. Daisy was fine during the visit. She called me 'mommy' numerous times and I warned the caseworker that this might happen and I was NOT willing to take ANY slack because Psycho Chick has made NO effort to see Daisy in the past few weeks. I showed her how to re-direct Daisy when she gets into something she shouldn't. She really didn't ask many questions about Daisy or what she's doing now. I got a good glimpse of what Daisy's life would be like had she stayed with them. It became obvious that (in my 'professional' opinion) she will not be going home. I would most definitely bet the farm on it. I've really been struggling with whether or not she should be part of our forever family. I've come to the conclusion that she most likely will not. I feel sick at the thought of being forced to make that kind of decision...the decision that decides the fate of a child. I have really been praying and asking God to make things clear about what HE wants for our family. I would NEVER want to go ahead of HIM. I know that HE has amazing things planned for our family. But I certainly DO NOT want to miss out on something HE wants to give us because of MY desire for a son. But clarity is something that does not always come easy. So, as usual, I wait...