Trying hard to move on...it should be easy right? He was never mine. Not so much. I've been asked more times than I can count..."how are you?" Do people really want the truth?? I'm miserable. I keep hearing him cry and I feel like I'm going insane. I am always 'checking' on him only to find that he's not there. And the MOST adorable Baby G.A.P. bathing suit that I had purchased for him arrived yesterday only to be packed away. I know that I should be thrilled that he is with relatives BUT I'm not. I don't know what I thought would happen but hope never let up for a miracle. I know that every time a baby leaves a little piece of my heart goes with them. How many more times can I handle this feeling? Now I understand why people don't want to foster. The feeling of loss. Emptiness. Sometimes I think that life would be easier if we had the money for an internati*onal adoption. I know that this is what we signed up for. I am a horrible foster*parent. I say that because I am not EVER prepared to give them back. I would LOVE to keep them all. OK, well maybe not ALL. But I definitely was NOT prepared to give him back this early. There is so much I'll miss but I can do nothing about. First words, foods, steps...the list could go on forever. Felix will always be in my prayers. Sorry for the venting but hey...that's what I have this site for. :)