Crazy week... The caseworker called me early on in the week to make me aware that he had spoken to Psycho Chick regarding Daisy's visit. He also asked me if I was willing to supervise the visit...something I abhor doing!! But because I had nothing planned I said yes. I got to the neutral location about 10 minutes early and waited. She showed up on time with a family member. (I can't see why she could POSSIBLE be late when all she has do is walk across the street!) Bio dad did not come because they are not 'together' anymore. SHoCKeR!!! He is supposedly back with his ex-wife. ANYWAY...about 30 minutes into the visit she states how she is not feeling well and may leave early. She actually asked me if this was ok. I told her she has to do what she has to do and that it was up to her. Family member was actually willing to talk about the whole situation but left me feeling like she is in NO better place than Psycho Chick. I was also informed that Daisy has a new baby cousin. Spending time with these people opens my eyes to a whole other world. These people live with so little and things I consider 'needs' are suddenly seen in a whole new light. The only thing that comes to mind is 'survival mode'. Daisy was fine during the visit. She called me 'mommy' numerous times and I warned the caseworker that this might happen and I was NOT willing to take ANY slack because Psycho Chick has made NO effort to see Daisy in the past few weeks. I showed her how to re-direct Daisy when she gets into something she shouldn't. She really didn't ask many questions about Daisy or what she's doing now. I got a good glimpse of what Daisy's life would be like had she stayed with them. It became obvious that (in my 'professional' opinion) she will not be going home. I would most definitely bet the farm on it. I've really been struggling with whether or not she should be part of our forever family. I've come to the conclusion that she most likely will not. I feel sick at the thought of being forced to make that kind of decision...the decision that decides the fate of a child. I have really been praying and asking God to make things clear about what HE wants for our family. I would NEVER want to go ahead of HIM. I know that HE has amazing things planned for our family. But I certainly DO NOT want to miss out on something HE wants to give us because of MY desire for a son. But clarity is something that does not always come easy. So, as usual, I wait...

Spoke to the caseworker. I told him that I needed my homestudy updates to submit for a possible agency adoption. He said he'd get back to me. He wasn't sure how to go about doing that. I am kind of hoping that they'll see that we're serious about adoption. No threats. I just really want to complete our family with some little boys. I'm not getting any younger. I love having Daisy in the house but I don't think she'll be part of our family forever :*(

As I started to get ready for Daisy's visit the phone rang. Surprise! It was CANCELLED AGAIN. The caseworker is not in the least bit shocked. I'm thinking Psycho chick is pregnant. Either that or she's just giving up. Sad, but I have heard it happens. I went out to lunch with some friends yesterday and we were throwing around names for Daisy. Like Smith family names. Nothing seems to fit her. But she surely is NOT a Daisy!!! Suggestions gladly taken!!! More soon...

AGAIN. Cancelled. Holding off on next weeks visit due to a lack of interest in their daughter. Daisy is officially calling US mom and dad. If bio parents have a problem with that...well, that's too bad.

Once again, Houston...we have a problem... THEY CANCELLED!!! I'm baffled. They are actually within a 1 minute (brisk) walk of where the visit will take place. AND THEY CANCELLED!!! Earlier this week they did come to the Dr's office for a WBV for Daisy. They were both there, Psycho Chick AND bio Dad. Psycho Chick was waiting at the door for me because I was running a few minutes late. She said she thought I wasn't coming. It took EVERYTHING in me NOT to yell at her and explain to her that I'M NOT THE ONE who keeps giving up EVERY opportunity to see Daisy! I digress... Daisy is doing well. Reaching all her developmental milestones and getting funnier every day. Times are changing in our house. I know court is coming up in a few months and we have a HUGE decision to make. It kills me to think of her in someone else's arms forever. But I am trying hard to stick with the plan. Boys. Blue. It's not easy. Especially now that she calls me 'mom'.

Once again, Daisy's visit was cancelled by the bio parents. DSS can't make it any easier. They live almost DIRECTLY across the street from where they have their visit and the CANCELLED!!! It may be for the best because Daisy has a cold anyway... She is cutting some new teeth and is a bit cranky!

The visit last week went well. We met at the library this time (for the 1st time) and Daisy seemed to be MUCH more comfortable there. She was very lethargic when I went to pick her up and slept most of the afternoon. She vomited a bit when she woke from her nap. I started to get really concerned when I realized I didn't ask the caseworker what she had to eat or drink. I put a call in but it's 3 days later and I still haven't heard back from him. I am less worried now that she seems to have a bit of a cold and some congestion (a runny nose). She is doing ok. Our visits still have not increased to 3 hours and I can't say I'm upset. I still don't think that Daisy should be subjected to that. IF I had an chance to state my opinion, I'd say something! IF...