Today was strange for me. Many times, when people find out that this baby is our foster son they say "you're a great person"...or "it takes someone really special to do what you're doing". I feel kind of embarrassed when I hear this. I guess it's because I don't feel special. The truth is...I feel horrible. While this experience is WONDERFUL and I am enjoying EVERY minute...there's the other part of me that wishes he was already ours. I'm not doing this to be a good person. Or because a child needed a home. Our ultimate goal is to adopt. That is what we set our to do from the beginning. Anyone who wants to get into fostering must LOVE torture. This is a very long and tedious process. So, when I hear people say 'what a great person I must be' it IS kind of hard NOT to shout back..."NO! I'm selfish! I want this baby for myself. Who cares what the mother must be feeling. It's HER decisions that put him in my house in the 1st place!" For those of you who know me, you know that I am a person who firmly believes in the power of prayer. It has been EXTREMELY hard for me to pray that his mother gets her act together. Although, I know that no matter HOW or WHAT I pray...God is bigger than all of these circumstances. I have been praying that God's will be done in this situation. I probably should be praying that his mother would have a genuine GOD experience and do a 180 and walk away from what she's been doing. Only GOD can make her whole. But like I said...my selfishness has kept me from praying that for her. Pray for her for me...and while you're at it...pray for me too! I think we could BOTH use all the prayer we can get!