New Year...2016 (baseline)

Wow.  2016.  I remember very clearly in 2005 filling out the paperwork and attending the MAPP trainings.  My SON just turned 5 last month.  I still cherish every moment with him.  He is turning into an amazing little person. I sit back and watch him sometimes and I am still in awe that he is OURS! Our year has started out very quiet.  We usually accept placements in December so this New Year has been very quiet for us.  I have been keeping busy with painting certain rooms of the house, some furniture pieces and finishing crafts that have been accumulating a layer of dust waiting for my free time.  Sprout is in afternoon pre-school so we spend our mornings together.  He has become quite the night owl because of his older siblings.  We had company (family) most of the holiday season and now we're at baseline...back to just us and our (crazy) normal.  I just got a training notice in the mail.  Now that we're back with the county I am anticipating going to the meeting to see who's fostering. Hoping I'll see some old and new faces  :)

Sprout...

It's this time of year that brings to memory how FAITHFUL God really is! It was November of 2010 when I called the agency home finder because the house was clean, too quiet and I felt it needed a baby.  She was shocked that I called her in that exact moment because she was putting my name and address into her GPS to stop by.  She sat at my kitchen table to tell me of a baby BOY that was due to be born in December and he needed a pre-adoptive foster home.  He has been ours since December of 2012 and I am so THANKful that God gave him to us.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for the opportunity to be his mommy.  Sprout turns 5 year old next month.  Time flies.  He is thriving and such a happy, healthy, fun little boy.  He loves to be outside and he is such an athlete. He is in his 2nd year of pre-school and loves to go everyday! He has a few good friends and to watch them sit and play and use their imaginations...it's just beyond anything I could have possibly dreamed. The other day he was outside raking leaves and jumping in the piles.  He was just loving life and being a kid.  In that moment I remembered all it took to get here and I am just so thankful! 

Our paper work is with the county and we are ready for another call. I am hoping for a newborn or young infant as I really want to enjoy the snuggles.  We have a few things on the calendar so I wouldn't hesitate to say no if I don't feel we can make it work.  Thanksgiving is right around the corner and I am just enjoying this autumn weather and looking forward to seeing who God brings to our home. 

Winds of change...

It's been a few weeks since Doc left and the peace has been restored to our home.  It's the little things I took for granted that I most appreciate now...washing dishes and taking a shower IN PEACE.  No fights to break up. No tantrums.  Sprout is much happier. Change is good right?!?! We have decided to go back to the county we originally fostered for.  I sent a courtesy email to the agency supervisor because she has been with us the longest. Within 30 minutes I got a phone call from her asking "what the heck??". I explained that our move had nothing to do with her personally and that I felt that my character and integrity were questioned and my feelings were hurt.  I don't think I could have gotten any more transparent with her.  I know she was a bit taken back but I hope my honesty helped her understand where I was coming from. 

So, right now we will wait for our paperwork to be requested from the county and to get everything in order over there and we start a new, but familiar journey. I recently sold most of my foster care clothes stock.  I am starting new. I was absolutely clear with the county worker on the fact that we are willing to take 2 children ages 2 or 3 and under.  I would prefer a NB and a 1 yr old or NB twins but we'll see what we get called for.  Even though we are certified for 3...I can't see that happening.  Sprout is in his last year of preschool (update soon) and I am loving every minute with him. He'll be 5 years old this Christmas and I am so thankful that God chose to fulfill the deepest desires of my heart. We are truly blessed.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't look at him and KNOW I'm holding my dream come true.  More soon...

Moved...

Due to Doc's moms allegations and the fighting between Dos and Sprout, we requested she be moved to another foster home.  She left last Friday. She is now back in a foster home with Jaden. Praying for that family and for Doc.  Doc's mom took another jab at us last week and said that because Doc complained she was hungry and didn't have dinner (during one of their nightly phone calls) bio mom called on call. Doc had been in respite for the weekend and came home to us (at 6pm) having already eaten dinner.  (I have the text from foster mom saying she fed her).  When we got home Doc only asked for ice.  She wasn't 'hungry' until her mom asked her what she ate for dinner.  Well, the agency worker called the respite mom and asked her a bunch of questions about what, how much and when she fed Doc...as if I were lying.  It really bothers me that my word is not enough.  They all know that bio mom suffers from mental illness. This agency worker has been with me for 2 years...she was Baby Love's worker and Smiley's worker. She claims that I am one of her favorite homes. I am just so sad that it had to come to this. Doc is adjusting to living with her brother again and it seems like this foster home is a better fit for her.  We are back to a quiet house with less fighting too. Part of me felt like I broke my cardinal sin of fostering....never take a child older than your youngest. 
Well, we learned.  It will never happen again. 

That Saturday...

Last Saturday was bio mom's first unsupervised visit with Jaden and Doc.  The plan was for Jaden's foster mom and I to drop off the kids at a gas station for 9:30am and bio mom would pick them up in a cab. She would then get them down to her house for a 4 hour unsupervised visit and the cab would bring them back up to us for 2:30pm where the other foster mom and I would be waiting.  I got there at 9:20 am and bio mom was there with the cab.  I waited until Jaden and Doc were secure in their seats and left.  It was a very quiet morning.

I got there for pick up around 2:20pm.  About 10 minutes later the other foster mom showed up with her husband and pulled beside my truck. We waited for 15 minutes discussing how easy it would be for bio mom to 'run' with the kids.  The cab finally pulled in at 2:46pm.  By this time I was a bit peeved that my Saturday was dwindling away and I felt to set boundaries and let bio mom know that this was NOT ok.  I got out of the car and said "This is not ok. You're 15 minutes late and I understand that you want time with your kids but this is MY Saturday too. It's MY time with my family and I'm spending it here waiting for you. I'm not very happy right now" It took all of 3 seconds for her to be in my face and nose to nose with me, so close that I could smell her breath. She said "Do NOT talk to me like that. Do I drive?" I said "Well, you should have planned your time better." Trying to avoid and further issues I went to open the cab door and get Doc out.  She them inserted herself between the cab and I and she asked the cab driver what time he picked them up. He answered that he picked them up at 2:20pm. I said "So you gave yourself 10 minutes for a 35 minute drive...POOR PLANNING".  She was yelling and cursing and I was just trying to get Doc and leave but she went around the other side of the cab and got Doc out. She yelled to me "and DON'T tell MY daughter she can't change her clothes when she comes to MY house.  MY house MY rules".  At this point Doc was hysterical crying and clinging to bio mom.  Bio mom took this opportunity to say "I'm sorry you had to see your foster mom talk to me that way. Does she talk to YOU this way? Is THAT why you don't want to go back to her house?  She looks at me at said "SEE?? Now she doesn't want to go with you!?" I rubbed Doc's back and said "C'mon Doc. You did nothing wrong. I'm not angry with you. Let's go back to the house and have a good day."  It took a minute for her but she came to me and I put her in the car seat and closed her door. Bio mom pat Jaden on the head and got in the cab.  She was screaming from the cab but I only caught her say "It's ok Doc.  I'm working hard to get you back.  You'll be home soon. And foster mom?! You won't have my daughter anymore!"

I closed my window so I don't know what else she said but as soon as I calmed Doc down I called the agency on call number and explained everything. The on call worker told me to follow up with my worker on Tuesday as it was a holiday weekend. As I pulled in the driveway my daughter came out to say that someone from the agency left a message.  I called her back and it seems that bio mom called her and I called on call. Both workers are from my agency and they had already spoken so again, I was told to follow up with my worker.  I spoke to Doc about what happened but I didn't blame anyone.  She pretended an alien got her voice and didn't talk for almost an hour.  The worker who left a message called me back about 45 minutes later and told me that bio mom called her again demanding that Doc be moved from my house immediately. She alleged that I was physical with her, that I was using profane language with her and that I ripped Doc from her arms. The worker had already spoken to the other foster mom and she said that if anyone got physical...it was bio mom.  She said I didn't even raise my voice aside to talk over bio mom. The other foster mom told the truth and I'm so thankful she was there because if she wasn't it would have been MY word against bio mom.  The worker said she pacified bio mom with a promised visit to see Doc and make sure she was ok...which meant we had to wait for the worker to show up at the house an hour later around 5pm.  My (Satur)day began at 9:30am and ended at 5:30pm.  I was a bit offended that they pacified bio mom by coming to my house. My character at my agency for the past 5 years should speak for itself.

Unfortunately, I had all weekend to brew and be angry. I spoke with my husband and we decided that since my agency won't have my back that I need to set boundaries.  I WILL NOT be available for Saturday visits anymore.  It is family time and since the agency workers and county workers aren't working...neither am I.  I also decided that I WILL NOT be able to transport Doc to visits or counseling where bio mom will be because I will not put myself in a situation that she can allege something happened.  She is mentally ill. SHE initiated Doc be moved here. We are Doc's 4th move in 2 years.  Did I mention she is 5?  I spoke to the supervisor and HER supervisor and told them my new 'boundaries' are to keep my family and I safe.  If they need to move Doc...so be it.  She and Sprout are constantly fighting and when you try to explain the lack of 'peace' in our home I usually her something patronizing like 'that's why we value our foster parents' then I hear 'well, that's what you signed up for'.  Not sure how this will end but I can tell you that the lack of peace in our home right now is hard.  Everything we know as 'normal' has changed.  I really value the foster homes that can take older children.  This is really our first time having an older child (than 3) in our home.  It's not easy. There are many emotions that go along with foster care.  Right now, I feel like I HAVE TO do what's in the best interest of my family. Court is this coming Wednesday.  Bio mom has requested she get Doc (and only Doc) back. I can't imagine what that will do to Jaden when he hears that bio mom is only fighting for his little sister.  I feel we have so much to offer Doc but 
AT WHAT COST?  

Psycho

Docs bio mom is a psycho. That is all. 

Doc

Instead of calling her 'Leah'...I've decided on the blog name 'Doc' for this new little one.  Not only does she have medical needs but she also reminds me of the Disn*ey character Do*c McS*tuffins.  Her diagnosis is Complicate Single Ventricle,  Heterotaxy syndrome, Scoliosis, Restrictive lung disease and asthma. Basically, she was born with only part of her heart.  Due to her heart issues, she is TINY. Like 29 pounds and the size of an 18 month old. She has a LOUD mouth and strong feet when she's stomping in her tantrums though. She was moved here from another foster home and will most likely be returned home to bio mom.  She screams when she doesn't get her way and she tantrums often. She is constantly fighting with Sprout but school starts in a week and by then we should have a normal routine.  Hoping I last that long...PRAY FOR ME. Lol. 

P.S.- My 4 year old Sprout starts his 2nd year of pre-school one week from today. He'll take the bus and be there every day for 2 1/2 hours.  Time flies...